We're all mad here.

"The curtains close,

You've had your last show

And now I think it's best you go

And I'm just fine, I want you to know

I'm better off alone."

I'm not going to say things aren't alright, because they are. But this break from internship is absolutely driving me crazy. I've spent the past few days at work, all alone, working. And it's been way too much thinking time. Today was worse than usual, because I didn't even bother to look at my phone. I wondered. Is it smart to dare to open up to someone? This is something I struggle with a lot. Whether or not to trust, to open up. And so I've keep myself closed off. I may look like an open book, but you really have no idea. I keep almost opening up, sharing my heart with someone, but I'm thinking it's not going to happen. I've been through enough to know that sometimes you just can't trust someone. Sometimes it's better to keep your lips sealed, and to hide the key deep down.

I expect the unexpected, and I expect the highly unlikely. I look for the best in people, and I think that they'll go out of their way for me. I don't know why. But I do. I come up with these ridiculous scenarios, and expect someone to make them happen. And when they don't, I realize I knew all along that they wouldn't. I guess what I'm hoping for is for someone to actually follow through with what I expect. I'm impossible to surprise, but no one meets even my expectations. What is this? I want a surprise. I want the unexpected.

My relationship with God is seriously the thing that's pulling me through. Though I seem to be letting my emotions drag me down over and over. He stays right by my side, and no one else has done that for me. I'll never let go.

This is a pathetic situation. But aren't we just pathetic people? I have a feeling I'm going to spend the rest of my day singing myself sick. /goes to write a new song.

-Ms. Conduit

A rant, an oddball, and a contradiction.

I have nothing to complain about.

Just thoughts to be shared. This may not make sense, but since when have I made sense?

The idea that I'm a contradiction in an area of my life still stands. I'm a hopeless romantic who cannot stand the fact. I'm miss independent, who wants to be sassy and fine by herself, but still wants someone to love. And I wonder how this is. Regardless, I know God knows what He's doing, and I don't know what I'm doing. The past few months I've come to see who I am, and who I want to be. I've isolated myself from the human race. Yes, I have internship, work, band practice, and church, and am rarely home.. But you can easily be around people, and not around them at the same time. I've quit speaking my mind. And I don't know what to make of this. I've kept quiet. I've done my tasks to the best of my ability, completed everything, and went home to lay in bed until my thoughts lulled me to sleep. I've prayed about this. I've wondered what's happened to me. No one knows me truly. It seems no one has the time to spend to do so. I'm so closed off, and it's not the fault of those who are trying. It's my own fault. For letting the wrong people in before. And I fear that it will happen again. I don't want to be that way. I thought being this way was being strong, but I've come to see that it's weakness. I was never meant to be alone. I have the best of friends who see me on the surface, but I keep the rest hidden. Why can't I trust again? Why is this so hard? It seems like no one but God understands. I'm wondering if I'm being too ridiculous about this. If I should just open up and let someone know me. If I should just speak my mind, no matter how crazy it is. Or if I should wait, once again, for someone to come along and remind me of who I want to be. It happened once, but it was just the wrong place, the wrong time. I had lost myself in a different way in the past, and got caught up in something that I was never meant to. Someone who I will forever be grateful for, though they are not in my life anymore, got me out of that. Now, I'm just in a different situation. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe this is just a phase in growing up. I honestly don't know. After the events of the past few months, I can say that I won't be fooled again. I guess that's another reason why I don't want to trust anyone. I was made a fool of. I wasted time. Thoughts. And it wasn't worth it. The only thing it did was made me become more closed off. And through observing people, I've come to see who they are without even knowing them. It's become something I'm well at. Even when people appear to have good intentions, some of them are still only doing it for their own benefit. It's crazy to think that I feel like I'm so different that no one will ever figure me out. I mean, God did create me to be set apart, but is this the right kind of set apart? I've been studying the life of Paul lately, and I have so much in common with him. I do the things I don't want to do, while trying to do the things I do want to do. He was sometimes as much of a contradiction as I, but yet he still lived his life to glorify God. It amazes me. He didn't need anything. Only God. And I know that soon enough I'll figure this all out. Soon enough just seems too far away though.

~Ms. Conduit

'Cause if you close your eyes and listen close
You can hear the chapter close
And it's all rebound with better clothes
If you like the way the story goes

The sun still burns the shadows out
And there's nothing to complain about now
'Cause if this was our destiny I'd treasure the fact
And I give you what's left of me if I held back

But I don't need a soul
Oh, I don't need a soul to hold
Without you I'm still whole
You and life remain beautiful
You and life remain beautiful

-Relient k

Guize, I went to bed at 1 and woke up at 5:30. I feel like the Proverbs 31 woman right now. My candle burns late into the night, and I'm up before the sunrise.

Which is good, considering last week I was thinking about how I wanted to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman. Maybe just not in this way, because it wears me out... buuuuut, it's close enough. I leave for church in an hour. And will be there two hours early. But that's okay, because it's worth it. After church there's band practice, and I guess then we're going to a concert. I forget who all the bands were except for Disciple. So a roadtrip to Cleveland should be fun. Work was a lot better last night. My first night felt like a disaster. Now I'm a pizza making master. Well, not quite. But I'm close haha. It's been great at keeping my mind off of a certain so and so anyway, so that's a great bonus. Less time to think. I'm always overthinking. This is a short post, btdubbs. Because I'm still not ready for church. /nerdrage

~Ms. Conduit

Have a good day everyone! I love you all!

So guys, I don't know what I have to say for myself.

God's proven Himself faithful in my life again. As always.

1. The band had a great show at Muggswigz.

2. I've begun to understand more of the Word.

3. People called me, asking to hire me. THEY ASKED

ME TO HAVE AN INTERVIEW. This was the day

after I fasted. Oh yes.

4. I went to that interview today, and this lovely

couple attends my church. I'm hired and start

tomorrow.

5. They said I can witness to people while I make

pizza. Hello!

6. Goodbye frivolous thoughts about so and so,

hello being too busy to think.

Friday- work

Saturday- work

Sunday- church, band practice

Monday- internship, work

Tuesday- internship, tco, work

Wednesday- internship, church

Yeah. That's right.

God is good.

/smallrant/passes out in bed.

-Ms. Conduit

It's time for me to be honest with you blogger. Instead of jumping on here and saying what a wonderful week I had, I'm going to tell the truth.

The past week was the week from hell.

I have no other way to put it. It sucked royally. And excuse me for being honest. Now that that's out of the way, Jesus is still my joy. Everything else was destroyed but I came out alive holding onto Him. Let me say this- I've learned this past week that putting hope in anything other than Jesus only tears you apart. I'm still standing strong but it hurts. There's pain. I know it will all be okay though. And another thing that made yesterday awful, well it was due to my own irresponsibility. I have nothing to say for myself for getting locked out of the house. I'm going to use more wisdom next time. As for the other thing, I'll be amazed if I ever develop feelings willingly for another human being again. I will take most of the credit for this. But still, I was lead on. Despite the fact that I'm not having another relationship until internship is done, it doesn't take feelings away. Unfortunately. So I let myself have feelings. And be charmed. Stupidest thing I've ever done. The sad thing is, he's a really good guy. He's probably unaware of it all. The leading me on, and everything else. He's just in la-la land, thinking about how he can change the world. And yes, that's a nice place to be... But I don't think you should overlook the people right in front of you. Enough of that though. I was going to say I'm going back to the whole "a woman should be so lost in God that a man has to be in Him to find her" or whatever, but I realized I've already been doing that. And I still am. Said guy just found me unintentionally, and decided I'm not worth waiting a little bit of time for. Or maybe not. I am harshly saying all this, because him and I haven't even talked about it. He doesn't know that I know. And I should stop. I just need to rant. Usually I'm strong. I'm kind to everyone. I can hold my emotions back. But like I said; week. from. hell. This next week WILL be from heaven. I won't settle for less. I won't even get into what else happened last week.

But on the bright side, we had more band photographs taken. And they're so much better than the last ones. They're amazing! And we recorded our first song today. It'll be on facebook tomorrow. And that makes me super happy. Tomorrow will be great just because of that, if nothing else. Tuesday we're playing at muggswigz for open mic. I still hold hopes that so and so will show up, but it will be fantastic even if he doesn't. Basically, all of my energy is going into God, and the band. I want to get my mind off of this. I really need a job too. I'm going back to the hotel tomorrow for a follow-up, and then getting an application at subway in Canton if that doesn't get me anywhere. I need distractions. Maybe this will be the jumpstart in my ministry.

So there you have it blogger,

I'm weak sometimes. But He is my strength.

"Well I pretend

I just need me
I seem so strong
But it's make believe

Cuz I've seen love fail
I've been betrayed
I've seen love pass
I've seen love fade

But I know that God is not that way
He doesn't change from day to day
He doesn't fail he doesn't leave
And I want that so desperately

(chorus)

He loves broken hearts
Faith like a child
And now here I come
With just a broken heart
And faith like a child

I want love love love
I want perfect love.
I want love love love
I want perfect love.
Will someone tell me where to find
Some place to ease my troubled mind (X2)

I want love love love
I want perfect love." -supertones

Rant rant rant

It's amazing how one day something is true, but in a few days it completely changes and it seems it's not true anymore. That's why I'm so glad that through all of this I have Jesus. Really guys. He's the one thing that never changes. He's my best friend through it all and I just love Him. I can't think of any fancier words; I just love Him. As simple as it sounds, in Him my heart is found.

Anyway, things have been crazy. But then again, what else is to be expected from my life? I'm going to live an extraordinary life, everyday, because of God's grace. The only thing that can empower me. Lets see, what's happened since I've been gone... Well, the band got asked by a ministry if we'd play next year in their events. That was a major surprise. I'm super excited about it. We had band photographs taken on Saturday, and they're awesome. We're getting more this Saturday. We're going to be recording a song on Sunday, and putting it on our page- which by the way has 72 likes now *dances*. It's ALL for Jesus. I'll never let myself forget that. It's not about me, or the band, it's about Jesus. We're going to touch lives, and lead people to Christ, through Christ. Internship yesterday was epic. I love going to TCO and helping those who are homeless. Amy and I were singing and dancing as we cleaned the bathrooms, and Matt told us to hush, but 5 minutes later he was singing along. And on the ride back to the church, Matt was wearing a cat mask and meowing at people as we drove by. Don't try to tell me church people can't have fun :P We have more fun than the average folks! Than folks who aren't Christian's. We learned about fasting in internship last week, and I felt lead to do the Daniel fast. To be honest, I wasn't sure why. So I decided it was for answers for my own selfish needs. But God definitely humbled me during it (I was during it Friday-Sunday) and an hour after I started it, my sister texted me and said she was thinking about going to church Sunday. My sister hasn't been to church in YEARS. I was so excited. I realized the fast was for her. I'd never realized the importance of fasting. I'd always prayed for my sister to come to church, but she never did.. then, when I fasted.. she did. And she really showed up. Her boyfriend too even. I was SO pumped. So I'm beginning to understand that as much as I don't like it, and as bad at it as I am, fasting is super important for breakthrough. So, so important. I'll be using it whenever it feels like answers to prayer aren't coming. God just wants to see if He can trust me, and I want to be faithful, so faithful. I want to be an example to others. An example to the girls in the connect group I co-lead. I don't want to go through this life without seeing God work mightily on my behalf. Also, Janelle said she'd come to church tonight. YESSSSSS! She hasn't been to church in about a month and a half, and I'll always have a burden for her. We have such a crazy story as friends. Though she doesn't even realize it. God definitely turned things around in that situation. He changed me so much. Wow. A hopeless case, an empty place, if not for grace. So, quick recap on the good news and anything I might of missed; sister came to church, Janelle's coming to church, the band is doing great, God's revealing so much more to me, I'm becoming more outgoing, internship is getting better and better, I'm not as sick as I was last week(I'm healed in Jesus name!), and I'm dancing with Jesus.


Shall we share the so-so news, or the stuff I'm confused about? Why not. I still can't find a job. I'm believing God for the perfect job with the perfect hours, but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere. But I know He will provide. It's just not easy going without money. If I had moved out like I was going to, I'd be doomed. As much as I don't like Bolivar, I'm glad I stayed for the time being. I'm afraid I'll never move forward though. I don't want to live at home forever. That's what I'm scared of, but I know that's from the devil. He's just trying to place fear in my life, but I won't let that happen. The man I dared to have interest in.. well, he's still super nice as ever. It just feels like constant mixed signals. I know he's not trying to do that, and he doesn't even realize I have feelings for him. Or maybe he does, it beats me. For all I know, he does know and he's just trying to let me down easy. But then again, other times he talks to me a lot and says I look pretty, it's quite confusing honestly. BUT I'm going to trust God with this. If it's meant to be, he will make the first move. Because the guy is always supposed to make the first move. Yesterday I sort of had an emotional breakdown. I cried, and he saw. He acted like he cared, but I could tell he didn't know what to do. Today, I'm better. I just think I needed to be weak for a moment. I've been strong for too long. Now, it's time for Jesus' strength to work through me. I. can't. do. this. alone. I know that now. This life is too hard to get through without Jesus constantly in everything I do. And it's so breezy with Him by my side, I don't know how I could ever forget how wonderful it is to just be in His presence. I just love Him. I do. Maybe you're reading this and you're not a Christian and you think I'm crazy. I am. But you haven't experienced what I have. If you did, oh man. Your love would never be the same. I'm willing to talk to you about it if you ever want to talk. Or anything in general. I don't care who you are, what you believe, I love people. I love to help. But yeah. Reading back through, the good seems to outweigh the bad. So I'm trusting God with the rest of this stuff.


Sometimes I wish I could start over completely. Like, I wish I could re-come to faith family. Change a lot of the things from the past 7 months. But you know what? If I did that, I wouldn't of seen all that God has brought me through. The bad times are as worth as much as the good, because you get to see God work on your behalf. Romans 8:28 God makes all things work together for the good of those that love Him. It takes a lot of trusting, but oh my gosh. It's always worth it. In the end, the bad times turn into good. And it's so worth it. You can help others who are struggling with something you have struggled with, and see them come out standing strong. And that my friend, is a wonderful feeling. We're not meant to go through this life alone. We've got to be united. Stand together as one. It's time to make the One Common Cause winning people to Christ. The "normal" will be people meeting together for bible study. The "normal" will be doing your daily devotions. The "normal" will be reaching out to others. One. Common. Cause.


So anyway, now that I've ranted on so many different things, I've gotta get ready for internship. Blogger, thank you for being here when I need to rant. I will never stop blogging to you. ♥

-Ms. Conduit

I love you all!

As I sit here eating my blueberry muffin, and drinking my pumpkin spice, french vanilla mocha(I ran out of pumpkin spice creamer) I overthink. I mean, who doesn't overthink anymore these days? But last night. It was one of the worst things I've experienced concerning church people. Now, if you've been following my blog for a while, you know I love my church. And you know I love everyone. But last night.... first of all, bible study. All I'll say about that is.. I invited my friend who's baptist, and we're non-denominational. Not that it bothers me, because he's just as saved as I, or anyone else for that matter. Ironically, the guy who was speaking started talking about prayer. We got into talking about tongues(which baptists don't use) and it all went downhill. The guy who was speaking said to my friend, "We believe what's biblical. Hopefully someday you come to understand it." Jaw. Drops. THAT IS NOT RIGHT! You don't just tell someone that what they believe is wrong. That probably ruined my friends idea of our church, just because of someones ignorance. I almost threw up, right then and there. I will not be taking any advice from this man, ever. He could of destroyed my friends faith, or his view of christians. And it makes me sick. You don't just tell someone that just because they don't believe tongues are for today, that they're wrong. Come on now! And oh look, it gets worse. So after this some of us went to a friends for food. We all got in a circle and prayed. Some people were getting extremely loud, and it made me think of the Pharisees. They look good on the outside, but their hearts are far from God. And honestly, that's what I felt. I didn't at all feel at peace with this. And then someone who was praying yelled "PRAY LOUDER, IRON SHARPENS IRON" and I nearly walked out of the room. God isn't deaf, and neither are we. We don't need to hear someone praying to feel the comfort of it. My goodness. All I can say is, it felt like I was in a room full of Pharisees. Some of them anyway. Maybe some were just naive. And my few good friends who probably felt the same way, stayed quiet as I did. Then the "pharisees" asked me what my deal was, if I needed prayer for anything. Well, yes. I do. But no way was I about to let them pray for me. I want real heartfelt spirit lead prayer. Not someone who's trying to get attention and look holy. My view of some people has been changed. Yes, I still love them. But do I want to be around them and experience this again? No. Absolutely not. In different news, feelings are extremely lame. Especially when they're for someone you don't want to have feelings for. I mean, this person is extremely nice and fits my standards but... he's not exactly my... type? I guess. I'm just trusting God with this. I'm gonna stick to my guns and be the girl who's hard to win. I mean, I'm not having any relationship until internship is done anyway. I just want to see if someone will wait for me. Til I'm out of internship. That, will prove to me that I'm worth it to them. So we'll see what happens. But today is going to be good. No pharisees, no know it all's... just a lovely day of internship, drawing close to God, prayer, and working at TCO to help the homeless. I will not let today be ruined. And God is walking by my side all the while.

What is there to fear when You're beside me, You are my strength You're my strong tower.

~Ms. Conduit

I forgot to mention, about the pharisees. The bible says to enter the kingdom of heaven you must be more righteous than the pharisees. It says this because the pharisees only make themselves look good on the outside, but their hearts are evil. Make your heart pure, and it'll show up on the outside. ♥

Oh hai there, I'm posting a random song I just wrote.

P.s. No it's not inspired by anyone. It's just a random song about a man who doesn't exist. OooooooOoOooOOO. xD

"Perfect Words"
By: Christina Shumard

Why do you make me feel this way
You give me something I can't explain
You can always turn around my dreary days
Oh what can I say,
Oh ay Oh ay

Why do you make me want to sing
About all of the silly things
Why does your smile speak to me
About all that you hide inside
What do I say, I can't decide

You make me feel like the April rain
You make me bloom like the flowers in may
Somehow, oh darling dear
I'll let go of these fears
And find a way, to put a smile on your face
But until that day,
I'll just try to find the perfect words to say
oh ay oh ay

There you stand, with your charming smile
Oh I can't understand, won't you stay awhile
And teach me, show me who you are
Just who you are
Oh ay, oh ay

Because I believe
There's more to you than can be seen
Show me your world, show me your heart
Because I believe we can go far
Lets save the world, take it by storm
You and I

A kid from the past.

This is a contradiction.

I'm one of those people who is most touched/inspired/learns best from visual and sound. Meaning a person can explain something to me a million times but I still might not get it. But if they draw a picture to illustrate their point, then I'll understand. Or if they play a song. Or perhaps if something I heard in my past comes back. Like an old voicemail. Which just happened to happen today. Why I still have voice messages from January 29th, 2011, I'll never know. But I listened to them all from that date til now, and honestly, I felt like crying. I thought, "How could I screw that up?" But then the next voicemail came up which was from a different person. It just made me frustrated, and I thought, "How could I be so stupid?". Finally another voicemail came up. It was from my dad, from Wednesday. His only words were two bible verses, and "goodbye". And honestly, those were the most helpful. The Word of God, and my dad are so, so inspiring. I was given hope. Maybe I did screw up in my past. Maybe I lost some amazing people who were in my life. Or maybe they were only amazing when things were going great, but as soon as things got tough they turned on me. I know I've made mistakes, and I still do it to this day. But I've got God. I've also got those people who have stuck with me through this all. Everything. Though they're few, they are the best. And though I may be single forever, I would be fine as long as I had Jesus. Though I'm sure He'll send me a man someday. For now, I've been single for a while. And I plan to keep it that way until someone impresses me, AND makes the first move. So, it could be a while. Lets see who's got time to waste.

-Ms. Conduit

You left an imprint on my mind.

"Oh after glow, look out below

We left a trail of dust behind

As we parted ways, he held my gaze

and left an imprint on my mind."

So the fast pace of life leads me to wonder about a lot of things. And when I get a free moment, you come into my mind. Which is odd when I think about it. I've seen you but three times, and we both lead busy lives. But the few times we've spent together have had such an impression on me and you don't even know it. I highly doubt that you spend time thinking about me, but I guess you just never know. There are others that I'm around all the time that could easily be nice guys, but I'm the type who doesn't believe in setting my hopes on a man anymore. I'm hardcore. The girl who's heart can't be won, I guess you could say. But you've got me thinking. It's odd. You're not the type who makes me despise men. You're not the kind to be self-centered and think that everyone likes you. You're not the kind to flirt with girls. You're the type who cares enough to tell me to have a great first day at internship, and pray for me. And that my friend, is something that no one else did. You're the type of guy who just might change my mind. But only if you make the first move. xD I'm a lady, and I'm old-fashioned. I've changed from my stupidity, my old days of thinking it was best to just tell a guy "HEY I LIKE YOU!" and get it over with. See, that's dumb. The man has to do it. x)

Rant over/.

-Ms. Conduit

Best friends.

This is a totally random and off subject post about what I'm looking for in a best friend. Mainly because my only best friend right now is Jesus, and though He's all I need, I'd like a flawed human being best friend as well. Because I'm flawed too. So yeah.

I'll go ahead and throw out some things.

They must be;

1. A Christian.

2. Serious about God.

3. Willing to talk about God.

4. Willing to read the bible together.

5. Caring.

6. Loving.

7. Kind.

8. Hilarious.

9. Understanding.

10. Patient.

I want a best friend who understands that I'm a nerd. Like legit nerd. I'm not cool to any extent. I'm a little bit of everything. I'm into music big time, so this friend would preferably understand my love for music and maybe even love it as much themselves. We'd share inside jokes. Like big eyes and little mouth. Most importantly, this friend would have to understand me to a good extent. Like, when it comes to guys I act like I'm not liking anyone ever again and that they're all a little pathetic and silly. (I mean, I still treat them like they're my brother in Christ- if they are. If not I just reject them or shut down if they come near me.) But in reality, I'm a hopeless romantic. Having high standards makes it so hard to find a good guy. But, that's okay. Because this best friend would understand that God has a man for me and would encourage me to wait for said man. This best friend would know a lot about video games, or at least somewhat. This best friend would know the bible very well and be able to help me if I hit a weak spot in my relationship with God. This best friend would help keep me awake when I need to be, because due to crazy life I hardly get enough sleep and am very tired sometimes. This best friend would make/buy me coffee every once in a while. But more importantly, this best friend would love me. For who I am. For who God made me. They would understand that I'm an oddball for a reason. That I like to do crazy makeup and look different from other people for a reason. And they would love every bit of it. ♥

God, I need this friend. Please send them soon.

~Christina

Dale's Legacy ♥

After waking up today, I logged into facebook for my early morning creeping. But I found out something I didn't expect. A friend I recently met, and a very nice man of God/worker in the kids classes at church passed away. Twenty-two years old. After looking into it a little more, I was in shock. The bible study that I go to sometimes on Thursday nights, he was there last night. After leaving it, and walking back to his car, two men stopped him. They asked him for money, and then robbed him and shot him. He died at 5:55 this morning. The number five means grace, if you're looking at it from the biblical meaning. And honestly, it confused me. How can there be grace in this situation? Many of us at faith family lost a beloved friend, brother in Christ, and an awesome man of God. And then I began thinking. The song "Your Grace Is Enough" came to mind. And after that, a bible verse.

"So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 2:7-8

So, I began to think about that. We at faith family feel like we're at our weakest after this loss. And I'm sure many of us are questioning God, as to why Dale? Why when he was only 22 years old, so young? But then I thought of Dale. He was always so happy, always smiling, always doing something for God, to better the kingdom. We're all wishing it wasn't so that he was gone, because he was such an inspiration. We could all sit here and weep all day for this loss- or we could remember that Dale is up there cheering us on, reminding us that life is short and that we need to win people to Christ before this life is over. He wouldn't want us to be sad. He would want us to get up, go out, and win souls. In this weakness, he'd want us to rely on God's strength to show us where to go from here. Dale, you may be gone, but you'll never be forgotten, and I can't wait to have a holy ghost party together when Iget to heaven. Thank you for all that you did while on this earth. Thank you for inspiring us to do more for others like you did.

We may not all understand this now. But this is the start of another level. A new thing. When we're at our weakest, God gives us His strength. Our pride in life is slowly fizzling away, because now we understand how short it is. It's not about what you have, or what you've accomplished, unless through those things you're winning people to Christ. The same thing could happen to anyone that happened to Dale- and I don't want to let that happen to someone who ISN'T a christian. I don't want to let hell grow bigger. Lets go win some souls for Dale. ♥

~Ms. Conduit

P.s. another thing about grace.. I commonly go to the bible study he was at. And I was going to go last night, but I didn't. But by God's grace. My life will not be a waste. Also, keep in your prayers the men who shot Dale. They can receive God's grace just as well as the rest of us.

I wrote a poem in honor of Dale, and figured I'd go ahead and share it here.

Dale's Legacy by: Christina Shumard

It's hard to believe that you're gone,
It seems life is a day that doesn't last for long.
As I sit here and remember the life you lead,
I'm ever so proud to have called you friend.
Dale loved God with everything inside,
And his passion for the lost was something he couldn't hide.
Though we can't understand why,
As we weep and find it hard to say goodbye,
What satan meant for evil, God will turn around for good
We will win this city, I know that we could.
Dale was a great man of God, and gave people hope
If someone was cold, he would of given his coat.
Even in his death, lessons were taught
Life is short and there are battles to be fought
Against the rulers of darkness and hell,
We've got a mission and many to tell
About the love of God and the price that was paid
For our souls, it's the one thing that will never fade.
Lets not let Dale's passing be in vain,
Lets be inspired and spread God's fame.
We'll share this message until it's time
To see Dale and Jesus, and party on the other side.

So blogger, I must rant. I still can't get Sunday night off of my mind. I'll spare you the details, but it was incredible. But it makes me sad. Why, you ask? Well, I'm probably the only one who's still thinking about it. But maybe not, why not go and have too high of hopes? There's always hope. In better news I finished another song, and I'm quite excited about it. We're probably going to play it at a coffee shop. My friend Matt is coming down from Columbus for four days. He's staying with the drummer in my band to see if he wants to move here, and be in the band as our bassist that we really, really need. He'll be here tomorrow. I decided I'm going to go to try-outs for the faith family praise and worship band tomorrow. Why not? It'd give me more practice for A Way Eternal. That is, if I make it. But I can't see why I wouldn't, I'm surrounded by the favour of God. Internship starts today at 3, and you have no idea how good it felt to sleep in. I don't think I slept at all from Saturday-Monday. And it plum wiped me out. But now, I'm nice and rested and ready for day 3 of GROW. Plus there's church tonight. That's always fantastic. Okay, maybe I'll share a few details from Sunday night. I was hanging out with my friend who has this really awesome cousin. I mean, his cousin is so cool. And due to some odd circumstances, we ended up bored with nothing to do. So he texted his cousin and asked if we could come over so he could teach me some guitar stuff. He. Said. Yes. Haha, so we headed over there and I about died. Okay, you know me. Miss I never like anyone. And I don't. But I will admit to being interested in him. We played guitar together. And we ended up writing a song together. He wrote music. I wrote lyrics. And it was beautiful. We had a really awesome time, and then I left. And he texted me the next morning. He said "good morning! I hope everything goes well, praying for you :)" Because it was my first day of internship. And I was so, so very happy. But after that, nothing eventful happened. We didn't talk anymore. I texted him yesterday saying I hope he had a good day (one of those, "you don't have to respond" messages) but he responded. A few times even. And then he quit responding. It was a bummer. Anywho, I finished the bridge for the song we were writing today. I figure I'll let him know tomorrow as a good excuse to talk to him. But other than that, I'm not doing anything else. You're the man. You chase me.

~Ms. Conduit

So I lied. I didn't blog right when I got back from church camp. Life was busy, yo. I know excuses are bad though so I apologize. Also, I don't really like the background I currently have, so I'll change it eventually. But! I started internship today. It was fantastical! I'm totally exhausted. And the pathetic thing is, I want a part time job during the internship. So I need to man up or something. Bwahaha. But really, if I find a job, I'll be balancing; Internship, Work, Church, The band, and my social life. Is it possible? With coffee... I mean, With God all things are possible! :P Jesus and coffee can get me through this. So job searching I will go! In the mean time, I'm mind blown. The seven of us who are in the internship... well.. I'm wondering how well we're all going to get along. We've got Hyper, ADD, Dopey, Quirky, Ambitious, and Serious. And then there's me. I don't know what I am. Heck, I'm all of those things sometimes. But really, I love all the people in the internship, and I'm sure in time we'll all find a way to work well together. But I don't plan on sharing a whole lot of the more serious internship stuff on this blog unless it's really, really awesome. So, if you'd like to hear more about the internship, it's in my blog list entitled "One Common Cause". (: Anyway, outside of internship what's been going on.. well, A Way Eternal (my band) won't be playing at "His place for you" anymore. Just seems like the right decision. God doesn't make changes for the worst, and the changes that were made there were... well, not exactly good and I didn't agree with them. So to avoid conflict, it's better if we don't play there. But on the bright side! Now we have more time to record originals, and just go play at coffee shops and stuff like that. So I'm pretty excited about it. God's gonna take us to awesome places. Other than that, I've been up to church. Yesterday I wrote some music with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was really, really nice. I was super happy. I couldn't stop smiling which was slightly awkward but, it happens. But I have to be up at five, so I'll stop ranting for now and try again tomorrow. I love you all still, thank you for sticking with me this long. Sweet dreams blogger.

~Ms. Conduit ♥

New Seasonnn!!!

Dear blogger,
I've decided something.
It's time to completely redo my blogger.
No, I'm not changing my page or deleting
it or making a new one. It'll be like making
a new one, but not actually doing so.
I'm going to keep all of my old posts, yes.
I need to see what's gone on in my past
and how I've changed and how absolutely
absurd I was. And maybe how absurd I
still am. Anyways, I'll be rewriting anything
that is written on here such as; about me's,
main pictures, background, blog name, ect.
I'm changing, as is my life, and it's time to
take this blog along with me. I'll be blogging
more, and it'll be better than ever. I know no
one really reads it now, and they still may
not, but blogger; I need you. You've let me rant
and ramble and complain. And it's wonderful.
I'll have this blog, and another one connected
to this. The other one will record my adventures
in SGI or better known as, shelter grow internship.
Yes, I'm doing an internship starting September
12th. It's at my church and will teach me theology,
ministry, and how to all around just grow in Christ
and love on others. I'll also be working at the church
part time. But anyway, I'd like to make a blog to
record what I learn in SGI. Mainly for future reference.
I'll start using my quote page again as well.
Oh, p.s. I'm heading to church camp in an hour. So I'm doing
all of this when I get back Sunday. ♥ I'll probably blog
about all the crazy church camp events too. So, without
further ado! Blogger, remember how far we've come
together. And be ready for the new Christina. I love you all.

-Ms. Conduit ♥

And here I lay,

Just a little girl with a silly dream.

Simply to be treated like I've never been treated before. But not in a bad way, for you see, I've been through all of that. I want someone to prove to me that I am worth what people claim I am. They say all of these nice things about me, but the actions never follow. Never. And it leaves me to wonder. Words don't mean anything without action to follow. For actions speak louder than words. I know words mean a lot to me, but can't you try a little harder, please?

Here I sit, looking back on the past few days. Looking back on my life. Tuesday AWE(my band, or rather the band I'm in, I feel like I'm claiming it as mine when I say "my band" but really I'm not.) took a roadtrip down to Carrollton. We went to show some folks what we can do, basically. They were looking for a spirit-filled band to play on August 6th, and they said they found one; Us. I'm rather glad they liked us. It was a lot of fun to play in a sort of studio. They said we can come record a CD whenever. So we're going to work on originals so that we can sell them. Not that anyone would buy them, but hey, you never know. I'm just so thankful for how far God has brought us since only April. The trip we took to Mcdonalds on the way home was somewhat disastrous. I mean, it was lovely except for one thing. And it can all be blamed on that stupid thing I did the other day. I feel like I've let Tessa down, but she swears it's okay. I just feel like a leader to her. I want to be a good example. I'm supposed to be the 'good christian girl'. But thinking on it, I don't want to be labeled as that. So in the end it all worked out. Today was just lovely. I woke up and wasted some time. And then got ready for church. I wore my crazy pants that both my mother and sister begged me not to buy. People liked them. I felt bold for daring to wear them. Anyways, prayer and stuff before church was awesome. The song we sang. What Jordan said. Just what I needed. He said that we tend to think leaders are perfect or that we feel the need to be perfect as leaders; Bam. But what's even better, he announced that- egad, leaders are not perfect! Everyone has problems no matter who you are. It's not the problems you have, but how you handle them. It made me feel a lot better. Praise and worship was awesome. Church was awesome. I feel the need to go out witnessing now, or start a bible study or something. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Everyone deserves to have this feeling, this freedom, this joy, this never-ending love. Tonight got really deep. Jared and I ended up sitting under the stars talking about his mother, and college, and God, and direction. Honestly, I have no idea where all the words I said came from. I quoted many a bible verse, I tried my best to say the right thing, and though it didn't feel like I made much of a difference; I know God gave me all the words. It makes me so, so happy to know that God is still speaking through me. I've been off my game for a few days, but I think I'm back on track. I met someone new at church today, and she made me smile. She complimented me; "I like your pants. And your shirt. And your vest. And your face." Bahah. ♥ Not to mention I got Jared's sister to talk a little. Their mom's birthday is tomorrow so we're going to go shopping and try to find something for her. I told her to bring her Owl City CD since I like OC as well, and she started talking about music. And it just made my day. I'd say today was pretty successful. I even did my daily devotions. Generally on church days I get too busy. But I did them today. Now that I'm exhausted, and have to be up at 8am. I think I should go to bed. No matter how dark things seem, there's always a light. And it seems that the darker it gets, the more you see the light. The darkness can never extinguish it. And that is what gives me hope.

-Ms. Conduit

Okay, Blogger, I miss you. Blogster is completely wonderful, but some people are total knuckle heads. You're the only place I can rant about these folk. So I'm sure most of you know how I am. I love everyone. I want to be your friend. I don't judge people. So this girl had a really depressing blog, and I wanted to be her friend. I sent her a friend request. I go back to her profile to see if she accepted, but she hadn't, and she added more to her 'about me'; "im an atheist i really don't like it when people try and enforce their religion or their beliefs on me so please dont otherwise i will have to block you." All I did was sent the girl a friend request. Gee wiz. Maybe I like you better blogger. People may not comment on anything, but at least they aren't haterz. :P

I'll copy my blogster post later and post it here. Peace.

-Ms. Conduit

P.s. I still love you all! :D

I sometimes feel like a total contradiction.

Do you ever get that?

I want to be seen as strong, but sometimes I just want to break down.

But that's besides the point.

So yesterday was absolutely brilliant. Went boating with Stephanie, saw an old friend, had some church!, got to spend some time with the band and someone else who's rather amazing. Today was incredibly boring. I didn't do a thing but go to the library, treat myself to DQ, and play music. Not that any of those things are bad, I just felt really lazy and not like doing anything. So it's my own fault. But that's quite alright. I'm sure tomorrow will make up for it. To be honest, I haven't read my bible yet today. And that's probably why it wasn't all that great. I usually try to read in the morning to start the day off right, but I didn't today. But that's okay! I can read it before bed and get back on track tomorrow. I did accomplish a few things today though. I did some cleaning, and wrote some lyrics. So that kind of makes me feel a little better.

My heart feels content though. And honestly, I'm just ridiculously giddy. Normally being this way makes me feel absolutely moronic, but you know, it's okay. It's nice to be smiling like a dork, and dancing around my kitchen. Maybe this will be right.

I'm excited about how the band is going. I can't wait til Sunday. And I'm plum tuckered out. So I guess I'll cut this short. Goodnight and stuff.

~Christina

"My heart is confident in you, O God;

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises

Wake up, my heart!

Wake up, O lyre and harp!

I will wake the dawn with my song.

I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.

I will sing your praises among the nations.

For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.

Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.

May your glory shine over all the earth."

Psalm 57:7-11

Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there ♥

Oh blogger, I do apologize. It's been nearly a month since I have wrote to you. I will confess; I've started using blogster. People actually read and comment on there. Though my love for you blogger, will never end. So I shall start using you again too. Okay, I admit it. I'm crazy. But what else is new. Rant, begin.

My life. Is awesome! I've been having the best day of my life everyday for a while now. You know why? Because I have Jesus Christ in my life. Honestly, that will never change. My mind will not be changed, I will never be swayed. He's the reason, and that's all there is to it. I'm not sure where to begin with what's been going on, so I guess I'll do it this way.

1. A Way Eternal. The band. At first I typed "my band", but I changed that. For it would seem like I was claiming that I'm the leader. The only leader in AWE, is Jesus. We all started out pretty shaky, members changed constantly, but now, we're standing strong. Darius, Tessa, and I. Yes, we don't have as many instrument players as we would like, but God will bring them in time. But honestly, we're getting really good. I'm getting better at guitar and vocals, and training Tessa as well. Darius plays both bass and drums. He's switched to bass since we don't have a drum cage at the time and the drums are way too loud for the small place we're playing in. So, for now we're working on making money for the things we need, and just worshiping God. There is NOTHING I love more than to lead people into the presence of God through praise and worship. It's really an amazing feeling. Sunday during practice, some intense things happened. We actually started out practice by doing some bible devotions. It changed the whole atmosphere. We ended up talking about our past mistakes, and all I can say is; wow. Looking at us now, you would of never guessed such things. It's incredible how far God has brought us. By then, we were so moved that we just started practicing. But it was more worship than practice. And THAT, is how it should be. It was perfect. And I really want it to keep going like that. Darius and I said the same thing at the same time, without even planning it. We blurted out that A Way Eternal isn't just a band, it's a family. And I believe that with my whole heart. God put us together as a very strange family.

2. Church/Bible Study/Church related things. I'm almost done attending Christian Lighthouse Church. Not because there's anything wrong with it, because there's not. It's a wonderful church full of wonderful people. I only attend there on Sunday mornings currently. Wednesdays and Saturday nights I attend Faith Family Church. I will be going to FFC full time, come September. I was accepted into the GROW internship at FFC which is a part time internship. When it's time, I'll start working at the church as my job as well. So I'll work part time, intern part time, and still play in the band. Those things will take up all of my time. Church has been incredible. Pastor Noah comes up with the coolest stuff for his sermons. Most people wouldn't think of the stuff he does. I really enjoy it. Wednesday nights are my favorite. Well, it's a hard decision actually. Because I do really enjoy playing with the band on Sundays. Anyway. G2 girls bible study is done until September. I guess we're taking a break for the summer, which kind of saddens me. I don't know if I'll have time to go to it once I'm in internship. Though I don't have internship on Fridays and Saturdays, I'll probably be working those days. Depending. But yeah. Anyways, that's what's been going on in this area.

That's all I really do with my life besides spending time with friends. Lawl. It sounds boring, but these things do take up all of my time and it's super enjoyable.

I've accomplished one of my BIGGEST dreams. I saw Owl City in concert on Friday. Oh my gosh. It was really a magical experience. It inspired both Darius and I to be better in the band. So now I keep attempting to jump with my guitar and swing it around. It's really hard, so it must take a lot of practice. It's fun though. I camped at Alive as well, and another big dream came true. I saw Hillsong United live. The presence of God was like BAM! And I knew, without a doubt, that worship is the area I'm meant to work in. It's what I'm meant to do with my life. God's plan for me. I also saw Skillet, Third day, Family force 5 for the second time, Switchfoot, Tenth Avenue North, and many other bands. It was a great experience. I made quite a few friends. It was one of the most interesting 5 days of my life.

So I'm skipping a lot of stuff that I could type in here but am to lazy to remember... so yeah. Friday I saw Owl City. Saturday I went to a church meeting, went to band practice, went to Jared's grandparents house for dinner, and went with Jared to see fireworks. Sunday I went to church, came home, felt like a bum and didn't want to go to band practice, went anyway and it was the best practice we've had, got DQ, practiced more, and came home. Monday I did a load of nothing, then Jared and I went hiking, to Wendys, then to his house, and went to see fireworks over the lake. It was pretty cool. I've had some really good days. Tomorrow I've got church, and an old friend is coming with me. So I'm really excited about that. Oh, AWE is going to start recording stuff. I bought this recording program a while back, but it wouldn't work on my computer. So we're going to stick it in Darius' mac and see if it works. It should, so that's kind of exciting. It won't be legit, considering there's not a guitar/bass plug but just a mic, but it'll be cool anyway. Alright. That's a bit of what I've been up to, so I'll say goodnight for now. Until next time, blogger.

-Ms. Conduit

P.s. I still love you all.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Hi blogger.

Here's what has happened in my absence;

1. I lost my job.

2. I have more time for the band.

3. God's been moving big time.

4. My ministry is starting to work out.

5. I currently have no income.

6. God's working everything out.

7. I'm all shy and giddy about the stupidest thing.

So, that's the jist of it.

I'm exhausted, but I'll share more later.

Goodnight.

-Ms. Conduit

I still love you all even though you don't

read or comment. ♥

I'm rather sorry, blogger.

I've let life take away from my

time with you. Not that anyone

reads you or cares, it's more for

me.

Update on my life;

Work at subway, is freakin'

amazing. They say you only

get tips there every once

in a blue moon. I've got

two so far. Woot! And I can

only say that it's God.

Both times I was working with

other girls, but they didn't get

tips. I invited one of them to

bible study Friday, but she didn't

say much about it, sigh. Though

I'm sure she knows the offer

stands. Ted, Darius, and I AKA

"A Way Eternal" have had a few

difficulties. Which is definitely not

good since we start playing at a youth

group on Sunday night. We have to

find a way to practice. Oy vey.

I've been cleaning a lot, and packing stuff

up. I'm going to sell a lot of my stuff at

a garage sale to help with money. Considering

I want to be out of here by September for

internship. Ummm.. Not sure what else is up.

Mostly work, band practice, and church.

I've also made a lot of new friends. And that's

generally a good thing. I've got church tonight,

probably work tomorrow. Gotta pick up my new

schedule. If I don't work, G2 bible study Friday.

And church Saturday night. So yeah.

Rant;

Dear people at work, you should really do your work.

Instead of just saying you did it, you know? I would

never say this to you, because I'm far too nice and would

prefer to stay away from drama.. But it's really hard to

do prep, tea, and temps when there's a rush of people

coming to get subs. I kept running out of stuff. But that's

okay. I forgive you. I guess I needed the practice anyways.

Dear much older guys, why can I never have one of you as

a friend/brother? The ones that actually want to hang out

with me and talk to me end up liking me. Which is slightly

creepy, but whatever. It's rather depressing.

Dear teenage/young adult guys, I know some of you like me.

And that's fine. All I'm saying is, it's a bad idea. I've hardly any

time for a relationship right now, nor the patience to deal with

immaturity and drama. I can't be to blame if you fall for me.

I'm unattainable at this point in time, so please do back off a little.

We can be friends, but nothing more for now.

Thanks;

God, I've been an absolute idiot. Letting ministry and

all that stuff become more important than my relationship

with You. It's not that it became so important, it's just I let

it take away from my time with You because I'm so busy.

Thank You for still blessing me ridiculously through all of

this, and for having patience with me. You're my hero,

my best friend, my man, and the only one I'll ever need.

Just, thank You.

Mom, you've been an absolute nag. Not going to lie.

Though you'll never read or know this, I just need to

get it out. You say my attitude sucks, and that I suck

at being a Christian. But you're never home to know

how I really am. All I get from you is constant yelling

when we're both home at the same time. If I try to be

quiet and gentle, you yell at me because apparently to

you, yelling is needed. I don't see why, it doesn't get your

point across anymore. It just makes me sad, and not to

mention frustrated. When you said that I suck at being

a Christian, I literally died inside. All my friends and leaders

say it's not true. They don't see how you could say such a

thing. It's just because you don't know the real me. I'm doing

my best. But if you think I suck, I guess I'll just have to prove

you wrong. And that's what I'll do. Thanks for giving me the

inspiration to do better. Even if it was in an awful way.

Louis, thanks for staying in church. Thank you for being encouraged

by the words Jordan, Beatty, and I said to you. God's got great

plans for you, and we will not let Satan screw em up. Kick the devils

teeth in, and get out there and do big things for God!

Myself, thank you for being strong. And for learning to be more patient,

and tolerant with people. I didn't know it was possible to be more

tolerant, but apparently it is. Thank you for surviving even when I only

let you get two hours of sleep before work, church, or just a long day.

Thank you for never giving up.

-Ms. Conduit.

I love you all ♥

The answer is yes;

I am still alive.

I've been working everyday.

Not to mention church, hanging

out, bible study, band practice,

ect.

Works going great though.

Subway is pretty chill.

Too tired to do much of a legit

post..

Tomorrow work, hanging out

with a friend and picking up another

friend, then to bible study and my

friends going away party.

Saturday, work.. then working at

the superchick concert.

Woot. Church Sunday and I dunno

what else. So yeah.

-Ms. Conduit

Be prepared;

rant coming in 3... 2.... 1!

Today was good.

Went up to Canton.

Hung around.

Listened to the

new emery cd tons.

OH! I start work at

subway, Friday 8-2.

Pshyeah. =)

God is good to me.

Picked up an old, old

friend. Amazed that she

agreed to come to church.

It was great to see her again.

Church was good.

Convicting at times..

Guilt tried to come over

me, but then I remembered

God's grace is enough and I

don't have to feel guilt and

shame anymore.

Bottom line;

people aren't to be trusted

with your life. Leave that stuff

to God. If you feel in your heart

that something isn't right,

don't get talked into it because

people call you paranoid.

Capisce?

Awesome day.

Just time to change

a few things.

God, thanks for revealing that

stuff to me.

Tomorrow; laundry and cleaning.

Friday; Work 8-2 and maybe starbucks.

Saturday; Work 8-2 and church.

I'm going to go listen to emery and think.

And read my bible, a little behind on devotions.

Catch up time.

-Ms. Conduit

I love you all.

Today was awesome.

I could end it there,

but I'll bore you with

the details of my day :]

So, I woke up. Got ready.

Went up to Canton,

searched around until I

found Jonathan's(my old ballroom

dance instructor) dance studio.

There was an open house there

today, with free lessons. Hadn't

seen him in a good year or two.

It was amazing. He says I can

come sing and play at his studio

sometime. I invited him to church.

He's not a real churchy guy, so I

talked to him a bit about that.

He says when he's not teaching he's

gonna come out sometime. SCORE!

#Invite!

Dancing was amazing. I miss ballroom.

I felt so natural, and happy, and just..

invincible. The year I took ballroom

consistently was so life changing and

awesome. I might start again. After

that, went to chipotle with some awesome

friends. Had some deliciousness in my mouth,

because of course chipotle is awesome.

Oh, whilst walking back to the car

after dance(which we had to park like half a

mile away), some lady overhears us talking

about getting food. She goes "WHERE YALL

GET YO MONEY? I BET YALL GET IT HANDED

TO YOU. YOU PRETTY LITTLE WHITE CHICK

GET WHATEVER YOU WANT."

I told her God provides for me. She got angry.

She said she needs money to feed her cat.

I offered to buy her cat food, because obviously

she was on drugs. She then proceeded to throw

out every cussword in the book, and yell at a sarta

bus saying "I don't need no ride from you."

It was terrifying at the moment, but now I find it

humorous. It just saddens me that people are like

that, and that they let their lives be destroyed by

the enemy. I wish I knew her name so I could

pray for her. I have it so much better than most

because of Christ in me. ♥

Also, while we were walking I was complaining about

my hair. Petty, petty thing. But the wind was screwing

it up, and I felt very self conscious. A few moments

after I was complaining about myself, my hair, and all;

someone walked by and said "I like your outfit. And your

hair." Sent by God much? He proves Himself more and

more to me everyday. If my God is for me, NO one can be

against me. Nothing can stop me from the plans He's made

for me. Two people liked my eyeshadow. It made me feel

really good. I mean, I have hardly any confidence in the

way I look. Compliments really boost me up. They make me

cheerful. I guess He knew I needed it. After chipotle, and previous

events, we headed out to church. Talked to people a little bit before.

And then had some AWESOME church. We literally talked about

the Word. What it does for us, ect. It was really good. After wards,

we talked to more people. Devin still hasn't had time to check out

my musical, but that's fine. I mean, he's already working on a billion

other things. He can take his time with that. I gave some compliments

out, in return for the good feelings I got. Actually, I told Devin his shirt

was cool. He had to look down to remember what shirt he was wearing.

LAWL. People do that, all the time. Including me. So after all this at

church, we headed out to starbucks. I figured it would just be a quick stop.

Ran into someone from my old church and we had a really long, nice

chat. About church stuff of course, and God, and His awesomeness, and ways

to draw closer to Him. It's just really cool. God sets up all these divine appointments

for me. He's so good to me. Regardless of any bad things that have happened,

He's the joy this world can't steal from me. Take all that I have, take everything,

but you can't take my unspeakable joy, my everlasting love, my savior, my Jesus.

Nothing, absolutely nothing can separate me from His love.

And in that, I will always be confident.

Long day though,

Kinda tired but I'll probably

get some devotionals done

before bed since I'm not tired

enough to sleep.

Church in the morning,

and then watching movies,

later on, SKYPE NIGHT!

♥

I love you all.

-Ms. Conduit

Today's lazy. I played some video games.

Gonna do some bible stuff here soon, but

here's a quote post with some pictures from

my tumblr to entertain you all. ♥

1."Don't ever let the media tell you what your body is supposed to look like.

You're beautiful the way you are. Stay beautiful, keep it ugly." -MCR

2."Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness."

3."He is no fools who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."

-Jim Elliot

4."Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:1

5."Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers

to turn on the light." -Albus Dumbledore

6."Dear whoever is reading this, guess what? You are loved. No, don't shake your

head and disagree. You are. You are lovely, and you are loved. End of story."

7."Whoever says he lives in God must live as Jesus lived." 1 John 2:6

8."Everyone thinks of changing the world,

but no one thinks of changing themself." -Leo Tolstoy

9."Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix

you." -Coldplay

10."She was beautiful. But she was beautiful in the way a forest fire is beautiful;

something to be admired from a distance. Not up close."

Maybe I won't do a long post today.

I'm exhausted again. No plans tomorrow.

I'm going to get a lot done though.

Today, woke up. Got ready.

Went to Canton, to Hartville,

to goodwill, and then back to Canton.

Then had KFC. And then swapped

people, and went to the park with a

friend. Talked a bit, walked on the trail.

Went to chipotle, and then headed to

church. Talked to people a lot. A lotttt.

Had some awesome praise and worship.

Had some CHURCH! Heck yes. Got

prayed for, got coffee, and then talked

a lot more to more people. Finally

made it home. I'm so tired.

I've still got stuff to do before bed

too. But thankfully I still have some

coffee left. Nomnomnom. ♥

I love you all, really.

If you need to talk,

ask me. I'd love to listen.

-Ms. Conduit

Quick post about my day;

Woke up. Went to zumba but instead

put make up on. Went to COL to

work at spice of life. Had some lovely

chats with the senior citizens there.

Thought. Got chipotle. Sat at curves

for two hours. Hung out with a friend

for two hours. Came home. Had nutella

mug cake. Tumbled. Time for video games.

Church tomorrow.

♥

-Ms. Conduit

I'll do a better post tomorrow

or something. I love you all.

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths smooth." Proverbs 3:5-6

Typical verse, commonly used. But do we ever really think about what it truly means, instead of just saying "Oh that's a cute verse, lets send it to people who are struggling."? Trust. It's more than just believing that someone will keep your secrets. It's also believing that they will keep their word. When you go to sit down, you trust that the chair is going to support you, you don't even give it a second thought. When you trust God, you gotta trust that He's there. That's He's gonna keep His promises. That His grace is sufficient. That His word is true. You gotta trust that He's going to support you, if He shows you a way and you follow it, He WON'T let you fall through. Some times we only rely on what we see now, what we know. But God's got the bigger picture. What He tells us to do might not make sense now, but in the end if we follow Him, all the pieces will come together to create a beautiful picture. More beautiful then we could of imagined. If you acknowledge Him in everything you do, and make sure it lines up with HIS plan, He'll do the rest. He'll make it work out, even if it seems impossible. All things are possible with God.

-Ms. Conduit

"The Lord will be your confidence. He will

keep your foot from getting caught." Proverbs 3:26

Okay, okay,

I'm back for daily posts.

I think.

I'm going to do a quick rant

about my life/past few days,

and then I'll do quotes.

Or actually I might post

some of my daily bible devotions

that I write and stuff. (:

Friday I had G2; small group/bible study.

(Girls only.)

I opened up a little. Usually I hardly get

along with girls, and keep to myself around

them. But for some reason I felt alright

about talking a little. Not to mention our

G2 has bible study at muggswigz!

Coffee makes everything exponentially

more awesome for me. So anyways.

We did a re-cap on Wednesdays sermon,

talking of course, and did some prayer

requests. I said a few. Mainly for my

cyst, and internship. Awesomely enough,

since they prayed for me I haven't been

in as much pain as usual. Thanks God.

I ranted to them a bit, about what's been

going on in my life. This super awesome girl;

Christy, let me borrow toy story 3. Which

I watched for the first time yesterday.

I don't see why people said it was sad. It simply

caused anxiety at certain parts. But in the end

it all worked out. Anyway, lets see... Got tons of

facebook messages from some very awesome people

apologizing for others immaturity and such because

of a really ridiculous and unimportant situation.

But besides that fact, they all said they love me.

Realizing that people care, it's an awesome feeling.

Especially when there are others trying to tear

you down. Ain't happenin' yo. Saturday, I went to

the mall with some awesome folks who I love very

much. We goofed off, walked around a bit. Had

some very good conversation, about God and stuff.

Then to chipotle we went! Where I happened to see

an old friend, who works there. It was nice to talk to

him. It's weird to run into old friends, they're always

so different. Generally in good ways. Anywho, ate a

deliciouso burrito, while I proceeded to make a huge

mess. And then off to church we were! Early of course.

So more talking was in store. Had more wonderful

conversations about God, and how Louis has to get into

a G2 because they're awesome(or mine is anyway, I don't

know what the guys G2's are like), and how he also has to

get baptized. Church was good. Gave my musical to Devin

so he could read it over. And then I headed home exhausted.

But alas, insomnia kept me from getting much sleep. I awoke

early on Sunday to get ready for more church. Which was

really awesome. I did my daily devotions during the sermon,

(yeah, shame on me. At least it was God-related anyway.)

And before I knew it, church was over. Talked some stuff

over with a friend, my name was cleared from past things

that were said, and received an apology and sort of got an

old friend back. Hey God, thanks. Satan, you fail again.

Nothing can stop me now. ♥

So now, today is lazy. I actually cooked today without messing

it up. Suh-weet. Mainly, I'm just waiting for Wednesday for church.

Hopefully by then Devin checked out my musical and can let me

know if it's usable. As for personal problems, I really don't have any

right now. Sure, I don't know what all is coming, but I do know that

God's got a plan. And right now, being single makes things a lot easier.

Internship is confirmed, and I simply need somewhere to stay during

it. God will provide that, since He confirmed that internship is a yes.

Other then that, lots of writing, daily devotions, spending time with a

friend before he heads out to Colorado for a one year bible internship

(like the one I'll be doing, but his is a lot more expensive than mine,

and of course I'm staying here in Ohio), making new friends at G2,

and staying out of trouble as usual. As for right now, I think it's coffee

time. Bible post in a minute.

Love you all ♥

-Ms. Conduit

I thought you had me

You thought that you had me

But hey, Devil, go on

Get your junk out of here

I don't need you

I don't need you

Hey, Devil, go on

Get your junk out of here

I don't need you

So move on

-TobyMac

So, simply put satan thinks I'm a good target lately.

Which means I'm doing what God wants me to.

Whenever satan attacks it's because I'm where

I need to be and he wants to take me away from

that path. Well guess what satan, you lose.

I win. End of story.

Youth was awesome Wednesday.

Yesterday was pretty fun too.

I got my haircut, and dyed. I'll take

pictures later. Been hanging out

with my sister lately.. and her and

one of my friends were talking

about me. My sister loves me ♥

:)

Anywho, G2 bible study tonight

at muggswigz. Which means

I can have another mocha cookie

crunch because I'ma fatty omnom.

Church tomorrow.

Doctors next week to get my cyst looked

at. Feels like there's a hurricane inside

my stomach but I'm getting through it :)

I can do this.

My owl city musical might actually be

used. How freakin' awesome is that?

My dads gonna pay for the internship

that I'm gonna do at church. Double

awesome. I get to work at the church,

learn tons of theology, doctrine, go out

witnessing, ect. I want to be the woman

of God that I'm supposed to, and this

training will do just that.

Hopefully then I'll know what to do with

my life. Still not going to college. And I

don't want to. Don't think I'll change my mind.

But the internship will be good enough.

It's falling together great, so it must be right.

Anyway;

yeah.

I love you all. ♥

-Ms. Conduit