We're all mad here.

"The curtains close,

You've had your last show

And now I think it's best you go

And I'm just fine, I want you to know

I'm better off alone."

I'm not going to say things aren't alright, because they are. But this break from internship is absolutely driving me crazy. I've spent the past few days at work, all alone, working. And it's been way too much thinking time. Today was worse than usual, because I didn't even bother to look at my phone. I wondered. Is it smart to dare to open up to someone? This is something I struggle with a lot. Whether or not to trust, to open up. And so I've keep myself closed off. I may look like an open book, but you really have no idea. I keep almost opening up, sharing my heart with someone, but I'm thinking it's not going to happen. I've been through enough to know that sometimes you just can't trust someone. Sometimes it's better to keep your lips sealed, and to hide the key deep down.

I expect the unexpected, and I expect the highly unlikely. I look for the best in people, and I think that they'll go out of their way for me. I don't know why. But I do. I come up with these ridiculous scenarios, and expect someone to make them happen. And when they don't, I realize I knew all along that they wouldn't. I guess what I'm hoping for is for someone to actually follow through with what I expect. I'm impossible to surprise, but no one meets even my expectations. What is this? I want a surprise. I want the unexpected.

My relationship with God is seriously the thing that's pulling me through. Though I seem to be letting my emotions drag me down over and over. He stays right by my side, and no one else has done that for me. I'll never let go.

This is a pathetic situation. But aren't we just pathetic people? I have a feeling I'm going to spend the rest of my day singing myself sick. /goes to write a new song.

-Ms. Conduit