It's amazing how one day something is true, but in a few days it completely changes and it seems it's not true anymore. That's why I'm so glad that through all of this I have Jesus. Really guys. He's the one thing that never changes. He's my best friend through it all and I just love Him. I can't think of any fancier words; I just love Him. As simple as it sounds, in Him my heart is found.
Anyway, things have been crazy. But then again, what else is to be expected from my life? I'm going to live an extraordinary life, everyday, because of God's grace. The only thing that can empower me. Lets see, what's happened since I've been gone... Well, the band got asked by a ministry if we'd play next year in their events. That was a major surprise. I'm super excited about it. We had band photographs taken on Saturday, and they're awesome. We're getting more this Saturday. We're going to be recording a song on Sunday, and putting it on our page- which by the way has 72 likes now *dances*. It's ALL for Jesus. I'll never let myself forget that. It's not about me, or the band, it's about Jesus. We're going to touch lives, and lead people to Christ, through Christ. Internship yesterday was epic. I love going to TCO and helping those who are homeless. Amy and I were singing and dancing as we cleaned the bathrooms, and Matt told us to hush, but 5 minutes later he was singing along. And on the ride back to the church, Matt was wearing a cat mask and meowing at people as we drove by. Don't try to tell me church people can't have fun :P We have more fun than the average folks! Than folks who aren't Christian's. We learned about fasting in internship last week, and I felt lead to do the Daniel fast. To be honest, I wasn't sure why. So I decided it was for answers for my own selfish needs. But God definitely humbled me during it (I was during it Friday-Sunday) and an hour after I started it, my sister texted me and said she was thinking about going to church Sunday. My sister hasn't been to church in YEARS. I was so excited. I realized the fast was for her. I'd never realized the importance of fasting. I'd always prayed for my sister to come to church, but she never did.. then, when I fasted.. she did. And she really showed up. Her boyfriend too even. I was SO pumped. So I'm beginning to understand that as much as I don't like it, and as bad at it as I am, fasting is super important for breakthrough. So, so important. I'll be using it whenever it feels like answers to prayer aren't coming. God just wants to see if He can trust me, and I want to be faithful, so faithful. I want to be an example to others. An example to the girls in the connect group I co-lead. I don't want to go through this life without seeing God work mightily on my behalf. Also, Janelle said she'd come to church tonight. YESSSSSS! She hasn't been to church in about a month and a half, and I'll always have a burden for her. We have such a crazy story as friends. Though she doesn't even realize it. God definitely turned things around in that situation. He changed me so much. Wow. A hopeless case, an empty place, if not for grace. So, quick recap on the good news and anything I might of missed; sister came to church, Janelle's coming to church, the band is doing great, God's revealing so much more to me, I'm becoming more outgoing, internship is getting better and better, I'm not as sick as I was last week(I'm healed in Jesus name!), and I'm dancing with Jesus.
Shall we share the so-so news, or the stuff I'm confused about? Why not. I still can't find a job. I'm believing God for the perfect job with the perfect hours, but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere. But I know He will provide. It's just not easy going without money. If I had moved out like I was going to, I'd be doomed. As much as I don't like Bolivar, I'm glad I stayed for the time being. I'm afraid I'll never move forward though. I don't want to live at home forever. That's what I'm scared of, but I know that's from the devil. He's just trying to place fear in my life, but I won't let that happen. The man I dared to have interest in.. well, he's still super nice as ever. It just feels like constant mixed signals. I know he's not trying to do that, and he doesn't even realize I have feelings for him. Or maybe he does, it beats me. For all I know, he does know and he's just trying to let me down easy. But then again, other times he talks to me a lot and says I look pretty, it's quite confusing honestly. BUT I'm going to trust God with this. If it's meant to be, he will make the first move. Because the guy is always supposed to make the first move. Yesterday I sort of had an emotional breakdown. I cried, and he saw. He acted like he cared, but I could tell he didn't know what to do. Today, I'm better. I just think I needed to be weak for a moment. I've been strong for too long. Now, it's time for Jesus' strength to work through me. I. can't. do. this. alone. I know that now. This life is too hard to get through without Jesus constantly in everything I do. And it's so breezy with Him by my side, I don't know how I could ever forget how wonderful it is to just be in His presence. I just love Him. I do. Maybe you're reading this and you're not a Christian and you think I'm crazy. I am. But you haven't experienced what I have. If you did, oh man. Your love would never be the same. I'm willing to talk to you about it if you ever want to talk. Or anything in general. I don't care who you are, what you believe, I love people. I love to help. But yeah. Reading back through, the good seems to outweigh the bad. So I'm trusting God with the rest of this stuff.
Sometimes I wish I could start over completely. Like, I wish I could re-come to faith family. Change a lot of the things from the past 7 months. But you know what? If I did that, I wouldn't of seen all that God has brought me through. The bad times are as worth as much as the good, because you get to see God work on your behalf. Romans 8:28 God makes all things work together for the good of those that love Him. It takes a lot of trusting, but oh my gosh. It's always worth it. In the end, the bad times turn into good. And it's so worth it. You can help others who are struggling with something you have struggled with, and see them come out standing strong. And that my friend, is a wonderful feeling. We're not meant to go through this life alone. We've got to be united. Stand together as one. It's time to make the One Common Cause winning people to Christ. The "normal" will be people meeting together for bible study. The "normal" will be doing your daily devotions. The "normal" will be reaching out to others. One. Common. Cause.
So anyway, now that I've ranted on so many different things, I've gotta get ready for internship. Blogger, thank you for being here when I need to rant. I will never stop blogging to you. ♥
-Ms. Conduit
I love you all!
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