Okay. You caught me.
I'm fickle, I change my mind a lot. I can be selfish. I'm stubborn. I'm difficult. I'm strong, until you sit me down and see I'm weak. A good majority of what I say is a quote. I have a giant popped blackhead on my lip and I picked at it so much that I swear it looks like herpes. I'm always hungry. I'm a brat sometimes. I don't always do the right thing. I'm very sloppy. I have a messy room most of the time. I complain a lot. I'm weird. When I paint my nails every once in a blue moon, the polish stays on until every last bit chips off by itself. I wear a lot of makeup. I never wear shorts. I think Oscar Wilde is a genius. I love it when people notice that I'm wearing perfume. Sometimes I wish people would notice me. Sometimes I do want attention. But sometimes that's just because I want someone to realize that I just need a hug. I cry sometimes. Sometimes I miss what God is trying to tell me. Oh, and sometimes I make mistakes. A lot of those. I'm chubby. I touch my chin way too much because I feel like I have a double chin. I'm missing a tooth. I rarely like anything mainstream. I'm a little bit good at everything, but not a pro at one thing. I read a lot. Sometimes I'm antisocial. Sometimes I don't say hi back to people and instead just smile because I'm so scared that my voice is going to crack or that I'm going to sound like an idiot. Sometimes I unintentionally act like a jerk. I rarely say what I'm really thinking. When I do say what I'm thinking, I get nagged at for it. I don't talk as much as I used to. I still haven't gotten over things from years ago. I should be smarter. I should be better. I should work harder. I take things for granted. I usually don't let people take care of me. When I do let people take care of me, I feel lazy. I'm independent. I'm too dependent on people who can't handle it. I'm too sensitive. I get hurt too easily. I apparently am spoiled. I get embarrassed really, really easily. I'm not very smart. I don't always use good sense. I feel like I give too much and don't get enough back. I'm misunderstood. I don't think I'm doing enough. My faith is small. People have worse problems than me.
But I thought that you, of all people would understand this after all this time. And I definitely thought that you would understand that when someone is in trouble, I will drop everything to help them. You were complimenting me on how hard I've been working. And you know I find it hard to take compliments. So I said I haven't really been, but thank you, it means a lot. And then I noticed that someone important to me was in trouble, and wanted to talk to somebody about it.. so I told you. And what did you do? You irritated me by saying, "what does that have to do with anything?" Uh, everything. Something was bothering me about someone, and you said you'd always be there for you. And for once, I try to take the subject off of me, and worry about someone else, and you get upset about it. So now we aren't talking. And I'd like to say that this is somehow my fault, but I keep re-reading these messages and I don't see where I did anything wrong. I wanted to talk about something that was hurting me, and you shut me down like you didn't care. I'm not going to apologize for this. I'm going to get ready for work, and hope you realize that what you said was hurtful.

After I looked past last night, when we were on the phone and you were hanging out with your friend and said my dad was decrepit and falling apart. I tried not to get mad. And I didn't get mad. But you, of all people should know that I worry daily about my dad and that if something happened to him I wouldn't know what to do. But I figured you didn't realize what you were saying cause you were with your friend, so I didn't say anything, as my heart ached while you laughed about it. There were a lot of things that hurt my feelings last night. But I'm trying my hardest not to be a sensitive pansy. And I'll never say how I really feel about these things. I'll just post it on my blog like a tool, and let it go. Because that's what you do when you care about somebody. You look past it.

Please.. just stop hurting me. I know I'm hurting you too sometimes, and that you have feelings just as I, but I'm trying my hardest. What more can I do?

~Vivian

From this day forward, I'm introducing myself to new people as "Vivian".
I don't really have a reason. I just have a few friends who hardly ever go by
their real name, and it interested me. And Vivian means "lively, alive, animated"
And that's what I want to be. So it's official. I'll quote myself on here as Vivian.

In other news, I shot a bow for the first time today and felt like freakin' Hawkeye.
Though, I totally missed the target and got the arrow stuck in a block of wood. Oh well.

Oh, and I played banjo for the first time yesterday. It was pretty amazing.
I didn't feel like anyone. But it was still really cool. I might actually consider getting
a banjo now.

I don't have anything too exciting to say right now cause I'm in a weird mood.
But I just felt like posting so I'm trying to come up with stuff.

John freakin' Bevere is preaching at faith family tonight, and I am beyond pumped.
It's gonna be awesome. I need a kickstarter to get back on track and I think whatever
he speaks on will be it. I'm just worn out from everything, including myself.
I've let myself slip into the motions and I have no one to blame but me.
I just want a new start. Maybe that's why I want to be known as, as Vivian.
Who knows. I know I'll be okay though.

~Vivian Conduit

I guess it's time for me to rant and ramble. It's been a while. 

Here I am at 10:30am eating a volcano burrito, and feeling completely exhausted from the events of the other night. What happened? Well, lets just say I thought the person closest to me was going to die, and it was the most terrifying feeling, ever. I'm not even kidding. Even if I myself were dying, it wouldn't be more terrifying than this. I was up all night, in panic mode, praying and crying and thinking he was dead. And as I sat there, wondering what I'd do, I just realized how much he means to me, and how precious life is. I haven't seen him  in a week and a half, because he's on vacation. And of course I've missed him a lot and I can't wait his return, but honestly I'd wait years, as long as he was alive. It was just the most torturous feeling ever. I'm glad everything is okay though, and that he's alive. You have no idea how happy I am. It's given a new sense of sight to me, and now I'm going to treasure him. Treasure every freakin' moment. After all of these years, I'm confident that God has given me my prince. In the person I'd never even noticed for all the time I'd known him. But July, that fateful month, has shown me so much. I've been treated better than I ever have, and I've been shown so much kindness that I just can't even fathom it. It's been hard. But it's been worth it. And that's all I could ever ask for.

In other news, my job at Giant Eagle is kicking my butt. Bagging stuff is easy, but dealing with angry customers is just awful. And carrying out their 60 pound bags of dog food, etc. is just painful. And one more complaint, ALL of the silly people who leave their carts strewn all over the parking lot, or the even sillier teenagers who think it's funny to put carts far out in a field, I'MMA CUT YOU! But not really. It's just slightly irritating. Other than that, the nice customers, the lovely people I work with, they make it so worth it. I'd just like more hours. Please, for petes sake. I don't want to have to work two jobs. 

Music hasn't been doing a whole lot lately, if I'm being honest. I've promised to keep going in music because I know it's a huge part of my calling. Buuuuut lately it's been going a little slow cause I haven't been recording anything or really trying to get the word out. I got asked to do two worship shows in October, which I'll gladly do. And I offered to be the new worship leader for a small church who's leader is stepping down, but they didn't seem very receptive even though they're desperate and praying that someone will show up. Hello? I didn't show up by accident. Considering my home church is an hour away from that church, and I still ended up there that day. I honestly think it's my height that threw them off. They acted like I was a kid who could never lead worship, and it kind of offends me. Yes, I look young. But how about before you assume I'm 15 or 16 you ask how old I am? And maybe see that I took a 9 month long internship on ministry, and that I've lead worship at many places? I cannot stand it when people judge by appearance, especially the church, who is supposed to be completely nonjudgmental. But oh my goodness, this got way off track. Anyways, my personal music page has 100 likes, and it'll probably have more soon if I ever get around to recording more.

Oh, and another thing about that small church I visited... Nearly every person there treated me like I wasn't a christian. I mean, I know it was my first time in a main service at that church, but when a person is holding a Bible, taking notes during the sermon, and raising their hands/jumping up and down during praise and worship, you have to assume they're a christian. No one does that stuff for fun. They were all, "Ya looked like ya actually learned something during the sermon. You should come back." and "oh, I'm so glad you came today, you should make this your home church." I'm like... "lol. my home church is faith family in Canton and I attend faithfully 3 times a week." Just because I have piercings, and don't always wear a dress on Sunday mornings doesn't mean I'm not saved, or don't have a home church that I love greatly. I mean, I'm sure they meant nothing by it, but it really bothered me. I'd of probably been happier if they didn't talk to me. 

In any case, moving out of state sounds like fun.

I'm growing weary of this place.

~Ms. Conduit

Today I learned something new.

I'm a princess and I should be treated as one.

At least from someone who wants to

be my prince.

Everyone else can treat me as the peasant they

see me to be.

The cynic in me is coming back. At full force. And honestly- it scares me and makes me really, really upset at the same time. I keep thinking of how out-to-get-me people might be. And it's sickening. I keep thinking of the mistake that someone who means a lot to me made. And I'm actually just dwelling on it, and I know that's a bad place to dwell. I hate the thought. I hate the feeling it's giving me. I just want to run. I don't know what to do.

~le sigh

I have nothing to say right now. God.. help me.

~Ms. Conduit

So, a certain person wrote something for me. And I want to rant about it, and say what I'd really say to them if they would let me, so I'm going to let it all out on here. I know they'd never hear me out, or would throw excuses at me and interrupt. So, here's my responses to what they had to say.

1. "And while you probably don't want to hear anything from me.."

See, here's the thing. I wanted to hear what you had to say. I gave you chance after chance, day after day. I paid for every time we spent together, and did all the hard work, and put up with the weather. Since you thought it fit for you to tell me in poetry, that's how I'll respond, for my blog, to release steam. I wanted to listen, I really did, but you made it so hard, and that's why I quit.

2. "I didn't know how to respond when you used to just look at me."

That's just it, I liked to just be. To watch you smile and hear your heartbeat. But for you it was all about doing something, whether it was going to eat or watching TV. But those things aren't what I live for, or what makes me happy. I like to look at the stars, and laugh and to talk. And to just go on long walks. But I always sacrificed, did what you wanted to. Even though the same thing for me, you would never do.

3. "And everything about you, physically speaking, is literally everything I've been seeking."

You rarely told me I was beautiful. You didn't take the time to look into my soul. And when you saw me without makeup, and I tried to hide, all you had to say was that I look "fine". Just that it was different, that it wasn't me. I'm not me without makeup? That's slightly insulting. I know I always wear it, and I love black lined eyes, but I can't believe you said without it I'm not me. What about what's inside?

4. "Whoever ends up with you, well they better be the best because you don't deserve anything less."

I don't see why you didn't think that before it was too late. You regret it now, because your loss was great. I pulled both of our weight. And now it's far too late. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and that's true, but you never had me because deep down I knew it was wrong. You're not what I need or even what I desire, you were too self centered, and it made me tired. I know you say you're different, but you had your chance and lost it. And in response to this line, I'd like to let you know, that I've found the best and I won't let it go. So in that you got your wish, but I'm something you'll greatly miss.

5. "I would want a second chance with you, I would want that so bad/But I know you don't think I deserve that and it's probably something I will never have."

You say you want a second chance, but you've missed the point, you don't understand. I've given you many more than that, everytime you upset me, everytime you made me mad. I would forgive and overlook, all of your mistakes. Your immaturity, and me always paying for our "dates". I thought that it was fine, and that someday you'd be a man. And maybe I wouldn't always have to do everything, that someday you'd make a stand. But you remained lazy and with no ambition, so I couldn't stand it, and that's one reason why I'm missing.

6. "Mostly because we didn't survive even one spell of stormy weather."

That's what I hate, that you just won't get. It wasn't one spell, it was a storm that wouldn't quit. You took and took, and I gave and gave. But you took until, I couldn't stand it anymore one day. I realized I don't have to live with you in a storm, I came across someone who gave me a shelter and was warm. And while you might hate me, don't misunderstand. I did care about you, and none of this was planned. I just let myself keep at this, at the expense of myself. I didn't want to destroy you, so I put at risk my own health. My hope for something truly beautiful, was shatter because I wanted to protect you from a broken soul. But I came to realize, it's not me who broke you. We break ourselves, believe me it's true. You placed your trust on me, and that was your downfall. For God is the only one who keeps us standing tall. So please, take the storm away. I've had enough, and we're both to blame.

7. "And I know you probably don't think you did anything wrong.."

On the contrary, I know I've done wrong. You think I blame you, but a lot of this is my fault. I should of never said I liked you, should of never let it get this far. Should of never spent so much time in your car. I compromised myself, and all that I want, and I know you might hate me, but I have to be blunt. You aren't what I'm looking for, not in that way. And though you're hoping it will, that fact just cannot change. I lied to myself, and I lied to you. And I didn't even mean to. I was lost and young, and couldn't find who I was. But now that I know, who I'll become. It's time for me to move on, this is wrong, and I'm done.

I want you to know how sorry I am. But I'm done.

I've found what I'm looking for, and it's not you.

I'm done with you.

I've been gone for a long, long time.

And honestly, this past month has been the hardest of my life. Oh my word you would not even believe the stuff I've been through. I've dealt with creeps, awkward people dancing not just in front of me- but at me while I'm playing with my band, some WAY overly emotional guys, deaths, and just plain out sin and struggle. I don't have much patience for creeps. And I have the emotional range of a teaspoon, so dear emotional guys, I'm sorry that I hardly care about how you're feeling when it comes to me- especially when I've already got enough other things on my plate. I'm not perfect. Oh lawdy, I know. It's a shocker right? In fact, just like Paul says about himself in the Bible, I'm probably the chief of all sinners. But at least I'm not some holier than thou pharisee who won't admit it. I've learned so much about myself, and other people in this past month. And I didn't think it was possible to be shocked by people ever again after all that happened to me in the internship. But I was proven intensely wrong. It really isn't good when you're so blind to someone who's pretty much controlling you like a puppet on a string. I don't take well to that. So now that I'm out- there's no way I'm going back. I will not be tied down. And I will never, ever judge a person before knowing their story ever again. That kid that you think is really immature, and you think you have figured out, well- you're probably wrong. Ask them what's going on in their life, and ask them genuinely. People put on such a facade to hide their problems. We're all more broken than we lead people to believe. And I'm sick and tired of everyone hiding it. And I'm even more sick and tired of us so called "Christian's" not reaching out to these people. Because they could be on the verge of ending their life. Your Christian friend could be contemplating suicide. Or feeling useless and hopeless. And what are you doing? Sitting there wondering why they act the way they do. Who are we to judge? And how can someone have the right to get mad at someone for comforting someone when they're crying, because they feel like they own the person? I'm sorry, but that just sickens me. The more I think about all of this, the more I'm amazed that God loves me. If I feel so much sorrow for someone who's in a huge mess because of their past mistakes and their current sin, how much more does God feel that for me, and the whole universe? It makes me so badly want to do better. And I am. I'm back on track with my devotions. I'm praying more than I'm thinking. And I'm getting my head on straight. I was a fool. I was played like a game. And maybe to this person it seems the other way around, but I don't see it one bit. Forever The Sickest Kids says it right, "You were fake, I was great, nothing personal." And maybe this is way too harsh. But I need to rant. And the person will never read this. I forgive them, yes. But I'm sick and tired of being told that everything I do is wrong. Just because it's not with them or for them. I gave and gave and got nothing in return. And I know that's what I'm called to do, but when you're taken advantage of, it just gets a little ridiculous. I just.. I know it's wrong that everything this person does now makes me want to rip my hair out. And they aren't even here in person. They'll be back soon, and I know I have to make amends or this will destroy me. It's just so annoying right now. It blows my mind, that in the same day, one person can view you as a picture of God's never-ending grace, and another person can view you as the devil. Sometimes I wish God had never created the whole, "relationship-marriage-guy/girl" thing. Sometimes I wonder what He was thinking. But then I think of how rewarding it is when it's done right. And it gives me hope. I'm done being a fool. I'm done listening to outside voices. It's God and I. What He says, goes. Period. I know I'm going to get so much hate for everything that I'm going to do in the next few months. The reasons being: 1. Someone is going to say I'm compromising what I've been looking for. And that is not at all true. I've found what I've been looking for, and just because it's not perfect doesn't mean it's wrong. Because, earth to people, nothing in this world will be perfect until Jesus comes back. Sometimes you just gotta take the leap of faith. 2. Some people are going to think things of me that aren't true. Jesus got hated on for hanging out with so-called, "Sinners", and I will too. And I don't care. I'd rather hang out with sinners who admit their sin and try to get out of it, than pharisees who hide their sin and stick their nose up at everyone. It's not going to be easy. And I've finally quit caring what other people think. Jesus was absolutely right. They hated Him. So if they hated Him, why should I be trying to make everyone like me? I'm not better than Jesus. So being hated is almost a give-in. And I don't care anymore. Say what you will. Judge me. Think I'm a bad person. But it's not like you know what goes on in my life. I don't care what you think of me, cause either way you're gonna think what you believe. If I were trying to please people, I wouldn't live my life sold out to God. My world has been pulled in so many different directions. And I've finally come to an understanding of things that most people never do. My problems are insignificant compared to most peoples. My life is actually really good compared to what some people are going through. I'm doing better than I think I am. I'm a good example. I'm reaching people for God. No one wants to hear some holier than thou, stuck up, person. They want someone who will meet them where they're at and just love them. And that's what I intend to do. If you're going to look down on me for it, I'm sorry, hypocrite. I love everyone, yes. But I'm not going to spend my time around those who are just going to talk me down to other people. I'm exhausted. I don't know what the next step is. But I know God is in control and that everything will be okay. It's all out of my control now, but God's strength works best in weakness. So I'm letting go. He's provided me with what I need through all of this. He's got my back. And I know I have two people who love me very much and will be with me through it. And I love them so much. I just need Jesus, my two friends, a notebook and pen, and lots of coffee, and I know I'll get by just fine. And not only will I get by, but I'll love every minute of it. I know this might not make sense. I just need to get it all out. So I'm sorry if I wasted your time with this post. It's just what I needed to do. And I hope you know that God loves you.

~Ms. Conduit

So, I was sitting here trying to create a wordpress. I got the account made, and I was thinking about ranting on it, but I decided my first post should be something awesome. So I'm coming back to you, blogger. You've been with me for quite a while now. And I don't really know what it is that I want to say. I guess I'm just a little tired. I'm thinking about tomorrow, "battle of the bands" the christian version of course. If we win, we get to open for Remedy Drive this summer. Not that I'm all "we're going to win!" There's only two rounds, and though I don't know if we'll win, I'm confident that we'll make it to round two without a doubt. All of these opportunities have been amazing. We have 3 more shows set up. I bought a mixer from Kris. I know this is what I'm meant to do with my life and it feels like I'm finally moving forward. Not to mention God is revealing so much to me. Like, a week ago. There was a guy at a gas station where Matt and I were talking, and he asked if he could use one of our phones. I selfishly pulled my phone closer to me, thinking the worst of the guy, while Matt handed his phone over. The guy had said he was stranded because his car broke down. Every other word out of his mouth was a cuss word. And it made me sick to my stomach. And I'm not quite sure why. Do I really keep myself this sheltered, as to not even hear cussing, ever? And then the guy thanked Matt, and sat down near us, frustrated, obviously. He complained about the town(My town, and I don't blame him), and he shared nearly his whole life story with us. The things that he told me blew my mind. Like, what he does for a living is not honorable to him, nor his girlfriend. It's horrific, and just... It shocked me. I mean, I know it's in the world, but I never really think about it. Finally he asked about us, and Matt mentioned that we'd played with our band at a church that day. The guy quickly apologized for cussing, saying, "I'm so sorry for my language, I didn't realize ya'll were church people." Which made me chuckle, for some reason. Church folks deserve more respect than normal folks? And then he told us how his grandmother is always preaching at him everytime she sees him, and it made me smile. Go grandma. I realize I was way too judgmental sitting there, almost vomiting because of his language, and gagging because of what he does and not even having the gall to look him in the eye. And then I realized something. All sin is the same. And I always knew this, but for some reasons the things we always "know" don't really hit us until we experience them, you know? I realized, that before God, I was just like this man. Living life blindly, doing things that seemed good but only hurt me, and hurting others. I was on the highway to hell. No, I never did anything "too" horrible. I lived a pretty "clean" life compared to the worlds standards. But God see's all sin as the same. He's perfect. I was just as lost as this man. And it blew my mind. And suddenly, I had a new appreciation for God's grace. No more thinking I'm "holier than thou" just pure, raw, brokenness for realizing what a sinner I was, and still am at times. And it blows my mind repeatedly now. We're all hopeless and lost, until we hear and accept what Christ did at the cross. Perfection died, to set this sinner free. And it's just so amazing. We think of grace and forgiveness and repentance as something for the person who has murdered, has stolen, was addicted to drugs and drinking, has cheated on their spouse, those "big" sins. And yes, it is for those. But it's also for that lie you told 5 minutes ago, that time you cheated on your test, that time you had a lustful thought, that time you were angry at another, that time you compromised Christ and what you believe... Grace is for YOU. You need forgiveness. And Christ took all of what we deserved, and died the sinners death. And it humbles me so much. I'm just thinking back on gas station guy, and I hope that somehow, I was a light to him. I hope the Bible verse I left for him as he slept on a row of chairs at the gas station touched his heart. And showed him that someone really does care.

-Ms. Conduit

I have a lot too say but I'm far too worn out to say it right now.

So, I'm definitely glad I listened to God about the whole job thing. Even though it's only been a few days, a lot of things have come up. I've discovered the sound we're aiming for. I'm working on getting my voice stronger and more 'rock' sounding. Maybe like Icon For Hire. But... more importantly, I discovered that our drummer doesn't want to tour. And I understand that. I should of known that we'd all have to sit down and discuss before something like this was to happen. As we text back and forth, I'm wondering. Should he quit? He has been talking about how he doesn't have enough time to do all that he needs to and that he's getting burnt out. Maybe quitting the band would be better for him. He wouldn't be under pressure for our shows that we have, and he wouldn't have to worry about practice, and touring in the summer. So I don't know. I just wonder. What will it mean for the band? We all practice at his house. That's where all of our equipment is. Darius is one of my best friends. I just feel like we're going different places in life. I'm not worried about finding a drummer, because I already know there are a few people who'd be willing to play for us and even tour possibly. But I just.. it's hard. It hurts. Darius and I started the band, and it would be weird to do it without him. But when I mentioned touring, he mentioned his house, jobs, and dogs. And I realized that he has commitments. Matt and I don't. Neither of us own houses. I could easily quit my job and go. I don't know what to think. I'm just glad we're figuring this all out ahead of time. It's really good to know this now. He said he can't tour at this season in his life, but he's the oldest one in the band. He could be married and have kids at any time. Matt and I are still just trying to make enough money to get by. I know God has the answer. I know He will answer. I just need to be patient and trust Him. I just don't want anyone hurt. I can't think anymore. Time for a nap. At 1:30am.

~Ms. Conduit

Oh my. I haven't been on here in a while. But I've done some real soul searching, and I think I've almost found myself. Not without the help of my Creator though. It's been one heck of a ride, and without Jesus Christ I'd have no hope.

So here's what's been going on. I was searching for a second job so I could have two, because I'm definitely not making enough money. A few people said, "I don't know Christina, you already have your job, internship, and the band. You don't wanna burn yourself out." But I thought, "Psshhh, I can do all things through Christ." But as it turns out, on Monday God told me plain and clear(seriously) "Christina, don't get a second job. Stay at Tangees. But put your focus on your music and the band." It just kind of took me by surprise. I don't know how I'm going to afford the cost of living, but I do know who my God is.

Once again it's been confirmed that music is my purpose. At winterjam over the weekend(I went to two, one in Columbus on Saturday, and in Cleveland on Sunday), some incredible things happened. I saw some amazing bands, met an amazing guitarist(Jake Jones of We As Human, look them up), goofed off, did things I normally wouldn't have the courage to, and now.. I feel like I want to leave Ohio to tour after internship. Which is weird. I mean, Ohio will still be my home. I'll come back. I mean, who even knows if the band will be famous in 5 months? But, we'll see. I know what God has told me. And I know the passion I felt when I saw those bands on stage. And Jake Jones may not know this part, but he's absolutely inspired me to be better, to do this thing for real. Because I want to make people feel the way they made me feel, to be able to bring people that kind of happiness and the love of God. So Jake, thank you. A million times.

Part of me is deathly afraid. Afraid that I won't be good enough to do what I want to do. But then again, I'm not. God is the one who has given me any talent I may have, and He's the one who's gonna pull it out of me when the timing is right. I just hope that's soon considering the band has a show in nearly 3 weeks, and then one the next week after that. I'm nervous. I'm excited. And I'm hoping and praying that everything will turn out.

I've been relishing the moment, I guess you could say. (HAHA!) Oh, I suppose I should share that story. I gave Jake a packet of relish, and told him to relish the moment. Which is something I'd of never had the courage to do before. But now, We As Human will forever remember me as relish girl. I want to be memorable.

God has been stretching me, and pushing my limits when it comes to dealing with people. To be honest, I wanted to quit work at the pizza shop. I won't say why. But the plan had become that when I found another job, I'd just quit and work full time at the other one. But of course, God told me to stay. So I'm doing that. And things have worked themselves out. Internship has been like... I don't know how to explain it. I've learned so much and grown so much. But sometimes a few certain interns make me want to lose my mind and just punch them. I know, terrible. But if I'm being honest, that's how I feel sometimes. I love them, but it's just so hard. Yet, now I feel I'm ready to deal with anything. Any person, any situation. I've been through almost everything in the past few months, and it's prepared me.

I'm going to do a 21 day Daniel fast with a friend, starting tomorrow. I'll go ahead and be honest with something. For 31 and change(a thing at my church) we were supposed to fast something, in some way, or rather, we had the option to. That started January 1st. I did the Daniel fast, and then quit on January 3rd. It's not easy. I've been preparing myself for it this time around though, and I know God will give me the strength. And posting it on here will help hold me accountable because now that it's out there, I don't want to have to come back and tell you guys that I failed.

God is getting ready to do big things. A Way Eternal is gonna blow the roof off in Mansfield, and in Carrollton. And then? The world. Lets. Do. This.


~Ms. Conduit