Here I am at 10:30am eating a volcano burrito, and feeling completely exhausted from the events of the other night. What happened? Well, lets just say I thought the person closest to me was going to die, and it was the most terrifying feeling, ever. I'm not even kidding. Even if I myself were dying, it wouldn't be more terrifying than this. I was up all night, in panic mode, praying and crying and thinking he was dead. And as I sat there, wondering what I'd do, I just realized how much he means to me, and how precious life is. I haven't seen him in a week and a half, because he's on vacation. And of course I've missed him a lot and I can't wait his return, but honestly I'd wait years, as long as he was alive. It was just the most torturous feeling ever. I'm glad everything is okay though, and that he's alive. You have no idea how happy I am. It's given a new sense of sight to me, and now I'm going to treasure him. Treasure every freakin' moment. After all of these years, I'm confident that God has given me my prince. In the person I'd never even noticed for all the time I'd known him. But July, that fateful month, has shown me so much. I've been treated better than I ever have, and I've been shown so much kindness that I just can't even fathom it. It's been hard. But it's been worth it. And that's all I could ever ask for.
In other news, my job at Giant Eagle is kicking my butt. Bagging stuff is easy, but dealing with angry customers is just awful. And carrying out their 60 pound bags of dog food, etc. is just painful. And one more complaint, ALL of the silly people who leave their carts strewn all over the parking lot, or the even sillier teenagers who think it's funny to put carts far out in a field, I'MMA CUT YOU! But not really. It's just slightly irritating. Other than that, the nice customers, the lovely people I work with, they make it so worth it. I'd just like more hours. Please, for petes sake. I don't want to have to work two jobs.
Music hasn't been doing a whole lot lately, if I'm being honest. I've promised to keep going in music because I know it's a huge part of my calling. Buuuuut lately it's been going a little slow cause I haven't been recording anything or really trying to get the word out. I got asked to do two worship shows in October, which I'll gladly do. And I offered to be the new worship leader for a small church who's leader is stepping down, but they didn't seem very receptive even though they're desperate and praying that someone will show up. Hello? I didn't show up by accident. Considering my home church is an hour away from that church, and I still ended up there that day. I honestly think it's my height that threw them off. They acted like I was a kid who could never lead worship, and it kind of offends me. Yes, I look young. But how about before you assume I'm 15 or 16 you ask how old I am? And maybe see that I took a 9 month long internship on ministry, and that I've lead worship at many places? I cannot stand it when people judge by appearance, especially the church, who is supposed to be completely nonjudgmental. But oh my goodness, this got way off track. Anyways, my personal music page has 100 likes, and it'll probably have more soon if I ever get around to recording more.
Oh, and another thing about that small church I visited... Nearly every person there treated me like I wasn't a christian. I mean, I know it was my first time in a main service at that church, but when a person is holding a Bible, taking notes during the sermon, and raising their hands/jumping up and down during praise and worship, you have to assume they're a christian. No one does that stuff for fun. They were all, "Ya looked like ya actually learned something during the sermon. You should come back." and "oh, I'm so glad you came today, you should make this your home church." I'm like... "lol. my home church is faith family in Canton and I attend faithfully 3 times a week." Just because I have piercings, and don't always wear a dress on Sunday mornings doesn't mean I'm not saved, or don't have a home church that I love greatly. I mean, I'm sure they meant nothing by it, but it really bothered me. I'd of probably been happier if they didn't talk to me.
In any case, moving out of state sounds like fun.
I'm growing weary of this place.
~Ms. Conduit
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