I might have a video on MTV :P

Why oh why are people so....irritating?
I swear it. They can frustrate me like nothing else.
*sigh*
Well anyways,I'm not going to make
this post a useless rant. Because I have
better things to talk about.
So check this out,
I got an email today from an MTV producer,
from the show "pranked" they want to
use one of MY video's on the show!
Impossible eh? I never would of expected
something so awesome to happen.
I don't really like MTV,or any of that
to be honest,(shhh!) But if that happens,
I could have so many opportunities to get
into many more things. Just think...
"Now starring: Christina Conduit"
*stars in eyes* Ha,okay,not gonna happen.
I know. But still,it'd be cool wouldn't it?
Yesterday,church was awesome!
(Quick subject change cause I'm a girl,
and I do that. Just to let any guy readers know)
My friend and I felt like something was gonna
happen. It did fosho! God is so fantastic.
I believe this year is the double anointing year.
Those who chase after Him are gonna find Him
like never before. And I'm chasing,you better
believe it. 2010 is the year I'll find God more than ever before.

So,I think I'll go for my job training tomorrow,or Monday.
I'm starting a job at a woman's fitness facility. Curves.
But for the life of me,I cannot remember if I already told you
guys about this in a past blog. 2010 is already wacky busy.
But that's the way I like it. So,job. Yes,check.
Money money money money,MONEY!
First thing I'm saving up for?A car please. I really am
tired of having to mooch people for rides and stuff.
It's not fun you know. And I have to listen to the music
they like,the whole ride. I swear,if I hear that "fireflies" song one more
time... I'm gonna go INSANE!

Guitar?Why yes. I'm making music for some of the lyrics I've
wrote. I'm da bomb like that. I mean,it's not any good or
anything,but at least I'm trying.

Drama- I'm staying away from drama makers. But they find
me anyway. What did I ever do to you? Blah!

:-)

That is all.

-Ms. Conduit

Maybe it's not my weekend,but it's gonna be my year.

Hai,it's 2010!So,to start the new year off,I've made my 2010 to do list,
and it is tons more exciting than my 2009 to do list. I've made all my resolutions,
and I am gonna be a new person. No more of ms.negative, or ms. I'm not happy with myself.
I'm gonna fix it this time around. An hour a day with God,a healthy diet,all kinds of cool
jazz I gots going on.

I'm going to practice guitar every single day,because guess what?I can almost play a few songs perfectly. I just gotta get the switching down. I can play A,Am,E,Em,D,G,and C. Or maybe more,I forget. But that's coming along. My moms birthday is Jan. 23rd,so I want to play a song for her on
the guitar. I'm hoping I got it down by then.

This is gonna sound kinda goofy,but I made a list of qualities I want in a guy. There are at least 30 things on this list,and only two have to do with the way he looks. The rest are beliefs and such. I am not settling for less this year. I've been a fool going after any good looking guy,or any that took the time to listen to me. Not no more. Christina Conduit is starting over,not settling. I'm not going to tell any guy I am interested unless he has all of those qualities on my list. I'm not being selfish,I'm being smart. I want someone I can be happy with forever. And I can only be happy if they have the things on this list.

More time with God,is my biggest goal. I'm working on putting more focus on Him,and less on people. I'm a people pleaser so I do what I can to make everyone happy. But now it's my turn.
God has all my attention this year.

Bottom line,this year I'm gonna live it up,rock it out,and make it the best year ever.
I will beat how good 2007 was. No matter what it takes.

Who you are today determines who you are tomorrow.

This year,I'm gonna make it an effort to change someones life. For the better. I'm going to help somebody every chance I get. I'm gonna be positive,I'm gonna praise God through every situation. I'm going to follow my resolutions for more than a week.

I am gonna win,in two thousand and ten.
2010.

-Ms. Conduit

Shhh,it's a secret!

So,get this,Christmas is almost here!
Wahooo.Surprisingly,I'm not sad about it anymore.
I was complaining about how being lonely
on Christmas sucks...
But I'm not lonely!I may be single,
but I've got Jesus.. And the most amazing friends and
family a person could ask for.
I don't want anything for Christmas.
There was one thing,but lets just say...
it can't be bought. But it's all good.
I haven't done any Christmas shopping.
I've decided to make gifts for everyone.
I'm cheesy,I know. But I'm writing a story
about how my parents fell in love,
and I wrote two songs to go along with it.
I'm pretty excited to get that all finished.
I don't know what to do for my best friend,
after all that's happened..... I don't know
what would be appropriate.. to get him.
His cousin told me he's doing something for
me... but I hope he doesn't.
Cause I have no idea what I'm gonna get him.

So anyways!Back to square one.
I've got dress rehearsal tonight
for the Christmas cantata. Wooty woot.
I'm actually not excited at all.
I know all the songs,and jazz...
I'm real tired and not feeling
well but I'm gonna go anyways.
After all,the performance is Saturday
and Sunday.

I've pulled my ol' guitar outta the closet,
and am trying lessons again. Shea is trying
to teach me... but so far the only chord
I've mastered is "Em",I still feel like a beast
accomplishing one chord,so I've been
playing that one chord all day and
probably driving people insane.

I should probably get to work on my
new years resolutions and all that,I just realized it's getting close.
Really close... Hm.2009 was pretty fine,
but I'm ready to move on. It wasn't the best. I hate
that I can't beat how good 2007 was.
Dreaming of those past days. They were surely good.
2010 has got to rock out loud. I won't let it be anything
but the best,no doubt.

"It makes more sense to believe in God than to not believe. If you believe, and God exists, you will be rewarded in the afterlife. If you do not believe, and He exists, you will be punished for your disbelief. If He does not exist, you have lost nothing either way. "

I absolutely love that!Pascal's Wager....

God is worth it all,no doubt and I belong to Him... Even through this crazy life that sometimes doesn't make sense. Okay,that never makes sense. I don't always get what I want but in the end everything will work out for me. Good to know.

Well anyways,I've gotta get ready for rehearsal,so I guess that's all for now.

Oh,by the way my birthday is Wednesday.

-Ms. Conduit

Your heart is God's most beautiful work of art...

Wow,life is weird. How am I ever to understand it? Gah,I need an adventure. I have a lot going on,but none of it is really an adventure. Whatever will I do? I really want to move,far from here. God's been telling me something about Arkansas,but I don't know what. All I've known to do is pray over Arkansas,cause apparently something is going on. Maybe he needs me to go there this summer. I know I don't have the money for that,but if He wants me there He'll get me there. So yeah,I'm praying over Arkansas even though I know absolutely nothing about it.

I greatly miss some of the past,but for some reason things just won't be the way they used to. I guess I just gotta move forward. I'm just tired. Tired of being tired,and tired of being here in Bolivar.

Our mission trip this year is probably going to be in Tennessee,so I'm thinking that will be interesting. It's not for sure yet,but we're having one this year. I wish it would be in Arkansas,cause I still can't get that off of my mind.

I haven't ate anything today,I don't think my stomach can handle it. I think coffee is about all I can consume at the time. I feel like crap.


But you know what's funny?I'm doing completely awesome!Tonight I'm picking up Jared and we're going to my church for the overnight Christmas movie thing. Jared hasn't ever been to my church,and such so it should be fun!I'm curious as to who all will be there,but I guess I'll find out soon enough. I should probably get a nap before so I can be hyper,but I'll just take coffee with me and make sure to have lots of it. These overnight things always suck the life right out of me. I feel like I'm getting old.

That is all.

-Ms.Conduit

Run with me,to Destiny Islands...

I'm having a lack of things to say lately.
But I do need to use blogger more.

So,once more,I let myself down again.
Trying to trust myself instead of God.
Blasted!What is my problem?

Well,I'm going to get it right this time anyways.

So you know something?
People are complete idiots.
All of us.
And we never learn.


If you always do what you've always done,
you'll always get what you've always gotten.


We walk into the same thing we've always done,
knowing it didn't work the first time.
Why do we think it'll be different a second time around?
Like I said,we're idiots.

But God is not. I'm letting Him do what take control now.
Because I have no idea what to do.

So,Cody wants me to sit with him tonight. I guess I'll do so.
He's a nice kid. He even offered to take me to
mcdonalds before church. Haha!I like food,I'm down.

I'm not gonna understand love anytime soon <3

I wanna write my name on an ocean wave,so that no matter what I'm not alone.

Don't you hate it,when you're typing a super long message to someone,
and as soon as you get ready to send it "This person has gone offline."
Thanks Ted.
Well anyways,I love fall. I was thinking of the cool crisp weather today,
and the tree's with falling leaves. I so badly wanted to go on a walk.
I still haven't got the chance,because I had choir practice.
And of course,now it's 9:30 at night.
So I guess it can wait till tomorrow.
As for choir practice,I really dreaded going.
Now that Laura has quit I haven't had anyone to talk to.
But today,it was different. It was awesome!
The past two weeks were horrible,
but it was fantastic today.
First we practiced the songs for Sunday morning church blah blah.
Then guess who walked into the room?
Yes,him. Although he was late!
So then we went up to practice the songs for the Christmas thing,
and we were practicing this song..
that goes "joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy" and sounds like a broken record.
It's lovely. That's an understatement.
Melissa and I were being quite ridiculous.
We sang it really low to be funny and sound like men,
then we just wouldn't stop.
He laughed.
He didn't say a word to me though.
But I was myself tonight,which was incredible.
I haven't felt free to be me in a while,
but tonight was great practice at that.
Tomorrow I've got a lot of cleaning to do,
Thanksgiving is almost here and the house is a wreck.
He still hasn't given word if he's coming for Thanksgiving or not.
Ho-hum.
I'll be cleaning all day,and then I'll go for a walk later in the afternoon hopefully.
Saturday is the fall craft show at the church.
I'm going I think,or if not that Kayla's baby shower.
I don't really like baby showers to be honest.
It's a bunch of boring games,and ladies.
I don't get along with ladies well.
I'd rather go play frisbee or something.
Hah.
So yeah...I need to make this seem interesting.
What to say?

I didn't care about him tonight,
I didn't give him any thought.
I usually try to sneak peeks at him,
or I feel embarrassed about everything.
Tonight,I didn't care.
I'm being me,I'm being open,I am captivating.
I just need to show it.

:D


I'm the letters you don't get,
and the light inside your room,
just bright enough for you to see,
me forgetting about you.-Jimmy Robbins


-Christina Conduit

It's time for a makeover.

I feel as though all I do is try to improve myself.New hair,new makeup,new diet.
Does it ever work?I still feel the same.Humans are impossible to please.
I'll never be skinny enough,pretty enough,or good enough for them it seems.
People expect perfection; perfection is my enemy.
And on my own,I'm so clumsy; But on His shoulders I can see...
I'm free to be me.
Jesus will always love me,even if I'm not good enough for them.
I wish I could show them that there's more to a person than looks.
There's so much more.
I'm gonna wreck up the life I have now,and make it something pleasing to God.
Throw away everything that's holding me back.
Give it all away for Him.Why does it matter anyways?
Things of this earth don't last forever.
I'm remaking my looks once more,because it is a fact I do need to get in shape.
I'm not overweight,and I'm not fat.
But I have been eating way too much. I need to work out and cut back.
I want to be healthy.
I'm going to pick a day,and have it a spa day for me.
Use all those facial cleansers,and doo-hickeys that I have in my bathroom closet.
Maybe that foot massager.
I don't know.
But I'm going to do it.
I'm going to throw away all those perfection magazines.
They say I have to be "this" to be wanted or loved.
When I'm "that". I'm perfectly fine being "that".
I'm going to get rid of all the things from my past I've been holding onto.
Throw it all away.
I'm going to be patient,be understanding,be caring,
I'm going to be Christ-like.
It won't happen overnight,oh no.
But any step being closer to my savior is oh so worth it.
Oh how He loves me so.
He loves me so much,he doesn't want to leave me like this.
Torn apart,confused,bitter,basically a nervous wreck.
Oh,how I keep it together so good,at church.
Working in the kids class,they all love me and say I help so much.
I'm just tired. I hide behind busyness.
I need a break,to find who I am.
Where I am,what I'm meant to be..
So much more than this.