Jesus is the reason for my existence. I tried to choose between being a bum or a musician, but then I realized they're the same thing. I'm addicted to coffee and Owl City. My purpose in life is to be all things to all people to lead some of them to Christ, and to love everyone to the hilt. I want to show you kindness like you've never seen before. I want to write a song for you. I wanna feel alive forever after.
Before you point the finger, make sure your own hands are clean.
We all talk about other people being hypocrites, and maybe they are. But do we really look at ourselves? Maybe we should look at our own lives before looking at others. They say to "practice what you preach", well, the sad fact is a lot of people don't. "Oh, you can't do that, it's not right." But then you turn around and do it. Then when confronted "Oh, it's different for me though, because of this, and this." It's really not.
We all need to just stop! Judging gets us nowhere. And don't preach it, if you're not gonna live it. If it's not okay for me to do, it's not okay for you to do either.
Matthew 7:3-5 - Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove that splinter from your eye,' while the wooden beam is in your eye? You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye.
So I wrote a poem today while sitting in the car. It's not that great. But that's okay (: Here it be.
"My Heart" by: Christina Shumard
My heart is like a fiber optic light Shedding one color for another all through the night My heart is like a mood ring Changing colors without meaning If it could be like the ocean Sometimes steady, sometimes a storm Waves crashing on the shore, taking it's form Or perhaps if it were like the stars in the sky Speaking to those who dream of destiny Able to open doors just like a key But instead my heart just seems to be weak I let hateful things in too easily I try to fight them but sometimes I give in I will not let selfish motives win I dream of making my heart strong Able to endure when things go wrong When I want to give in, when I want to quit I will fight for what I love I can handle it My heart is like a cloud in the sky Sometimes it rains, sometimes it's dry My heart is like a summer sun Beating down it's warmth across the ground My heart is like many things And nothing can control the feelings it brings.
So, I laid in bed all night. And only slept an hour. All I wanted to do was sleep, but it wouldn't work. Now, I've had an hour of sleep. And leave for church in an hour xP I think I can do this. I know so. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Oy blogger, will I always have insomnia?
Church will be great! I wrote Jake a poem for his birthday, and I'm surely sure he'll love it. Even though it's kinda dumb. But eh. It's the thought that counts. Tamra's bringing a friend to church, it'll be his first time. I'll bet he gets saved. (: I'd be super happy. Ivana's going on vacation for 8 days today \: I miss her already. xD
After church I'm going out to eat with Tamra's people. Then we're going skeet shooting. Well, I don't plan on shooting. I'm too tired. I can sleep on the way there.
Considering the fact that I only had an hour of sleep, I still look pretty good ;D
Looking back at my old self, I discovered I had a completely wrong idea about what love is, and what it is not.
My thoughts on love, were this:
1. Love is a feeling. i.e; tingles,being happy around the person, butterflies,that feeling that you can hardly contain.
Uh, and I guess that was my only thought on it. And whenever that "feeling" went away, it would be done for.
Well you see, I have never been in love. And I know this. But, I think nowadays, I have a better idea of what it is.
My thoughts on love now are:
1. Love is a choice. You will not always be happy with the person, they are going to tick you off, do stupid things, hurt your feelings, and they won't always have makeup on. When you stop basing it on feelings, and start choosing to love them even when they upset you, that is what I believe is the beginning of love.
2. Love is a commitment. I'd say, it's working through arguments. Sticking together even if the feelings go away. Because feelings, they don't always last. Sometimes I feel like God's not there, but I know He is. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to love, but I do regardless. Same idea.
3. Love is patient. Love doesn't nip at someone, right when they offend you, and think of all kinds of clever comebacks to say, or ways to hurt their feelings. When you love someone, you hold your tongue and let yourself calm down before talking to someone, and letting them know they hurt your feelings. Love controls it's emotions. Being easily angered has a lot to do with selfishness. You don't get what you want, so you're going to be angry with the person. Patience, is a huge part of love. None of us are perfect.
4. Love is kind. It doesn't wait for someone to say they need something. You see a need, and you help with it. Kindness creates a blessing. Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Kindness apologizes, FIRST. And takes initiative. Kindness makes the first move. Even if there is no reward. That is love.
5. Love is not selfish. Love makes a point to put the other person first. Instead of your OWN desires, you see that the other persons needs are met FIRST. You should always have the other persons well being in mind. Their happiness should be important to you. Even if it means going out of your way for them.
There are a billion other things that love is, and is not. But, those are my basics. And that is what I believe. How about you? What do you think love is?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Last night, I tried to go to bed early. About 1am. Well, at 3am I woke up really itchy. Only to discover that when I went to bed there had been a mosquito under my blanket with me. I had 5 mosquito bites on my arm, 3 on my leg, and two on my back. That one stupid mosquito, just had to decide "Ohh hey I'm chill under your blanket with you and bite you while you sleep." Well, I got out of bed and sprayed "off" all over myself... then went and slept on the couch. Thank you, mosquito for ruining my sleep. I appreciate it.
I saw Eternity the other night Like a great Ring of pure and endless light All calm as it was bright; And round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years, Driven by the spheres, Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world And all her train were hurled.
-Henry Vaughn
Monday, June 21, 2010
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11
"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."
To be free, to feel weightless, like nothing can stop you. It's a dream, it's a hope. It's a wonderful feeling. To let go and have faith that you will be caught by love. To run, to fly, to dance no matter who watches. To quit caring what others think of you, and just to be who you are. To not worry what will happen tomorrow. To fight for what is rightfully yours. To let go. To jump. To just close your eyes and let it be.
& sometimes life is a little crazy. A little ironic. But it's the crazy situations that somehow bring happiness. Down the road the sun is shining, in every cloud there's a silver lining. Just keep holding on.
We learn to work together through the hard times, or to fall apart. Some of us hold on and fight. Some of us give up. I don't want to give up. Though sometimes it seems tough. You just gotta laugh it off. It's just life. And the fact is, it happens.
Nobody promised it would be easy. But it will be worth it.
Last night, I was sitting on my bed playing guitar. A song I had recently wrote, I wasn't quite sure yet if it was any good. As I was playing and singing it, my mother was sitting on facebook. Then she said "What is that?I really like it." O.o my expression when she said that <----- She never says she likes my songs. So I knew this one must be good. She then said I should play it for church. I'm gonna show some of my church people tomorrow. Woot!
And another boring post. Ugh. Sorry. (:
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
So, last night I was bored. And I started working on the old "musical" thing I was working on. It's been one of my unfinished projects. I'm quite happy with how much it's come along since last night. 7 tracks, and an exciting story. :D
Yeah, I doubt blogger cares (: hmm...
Look!God is my savior. I am confident and unafraid. Because the Lord is my strength and my song. He is my savior. Isaiah 12:2
And stuff. Oh, I have church tonight. I'm so excited. This is a boring post. I apologize. I've used all my deep thoughts for my musical. Maybe I'll post it on here, maybe not. It's mainly just for me, to waste time on. I don't plan to use it for anything. *shrugs*
I finished "A Ring of Endless Light" today. It was a fantastic book. Vicky reminds me of, well.. me. I'm quite a poet myself. Though I'm no good, it's for my enjoyment mainly. It made me happy. It was a wonderful book, and I can see why it would be Maria's favourite. I'm glad she suggested it to me. :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
So, June 13th. That's a day I'll need to remember. Just thought I'd tell you. Ha. I forget these important things pretty easily. But, if I post it here.. I'll come across it before it's too important. I love to read through my old posts sometimes and see how I've changed and stuff.
In other news, today was bland. But it wasn't so bad. I worked on a book that I'm borrowing from the library, "A ring of endless light". My sister in law suggested it to me, because apparently when she was my age that was her favourite book. She also suggested the author of the book to me. I've read 3 of Madeleine L'engle's books in the past two weeks. I do enjoy them. Though it's not exactly my thing, it kind of is. In a strange way. I had my coffee. As usual. And mosied around a bit. I need to go back to work. This is a bit sad.
I'm ready for Wednesday church. Already. I almost wish there could be church everyday. Sure, I read my bible and do my bible studies and sing praise songs everyday.. but I just love to be at church and have fellowship with the wonderful people at my church. It's just wonderful.
So, I just finished my coffee.. but I want more. My love for coffee shan't ever end, As long as my life shall go on you'll find me with a cup Or two cause one is never enough, Coffee helps me be energized, on a day full of stress It makes me confident God loves me and wants me to be blessed. xD And it makes me write stupid poems. In West Virginia, my brother has a plaque on his wall, it says "Beer is proof that God loves us." Well, I don't quite agree with that. But I'd almost say it about coffee :)
I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll end this post now. Aha.
-Ms. Conduit
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14
I feel no need to explain this right now. But, it is one of my favourite verses.
Today I was at the mall, out to lunch with people after church. Well, you know those fountains they have in the mall? And you throw in a coin and make a wish... well... I got out a dime(Yeah,I know,waste of a dime but I had no pennies xP) and I stood there thinking for like 10 minutes. I then realized, I'm happy. I have all I need. I don't want anything. So, I wished for the happiness of someone else.
It made me feel good to know I'm happy though (: For the first time in my life. God is so good.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
Let me tell you, some people are so ridiculously selfish and rude. Not saying I'm perfect, cause of course I'm not.. and I never will be, but at least I try to put others before myself. He's not finished with me yet.
But today, girls.. they are so ridiculous. And annoying. Mostly. One was upset, and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Apparently, she's going around telling everyone but me that she's upset with me because her guy friend likes me. How immature. Talk to me about it, not everyone else. And why does that matter?
Girl number two, ah, old best friend of 5 years... first time seeing her in a while. I walked by her, all cheery and smiled at her.. she scowled and gave me an evil look. Then, her facebook update right at that moment was "haha wow.. that's stupid." Me trying to be nice and smile at you is stupid? Okay then, ms. immature. Oh, also, I "liked" that status. Heh.
It's like people don't fear God anymore. Not just because of these silly things. But no, everything else. All the things they do. They don't care. He could snuff their life out at any time. I fear God, and I serve Him. He is a loving God, but He is also a jealous God.
Seek ye first the kingdom, and all these things will be added unto you.
Why are people so selfish and rude? I do not know. Why do they not fear God? Plain craziness and recklessness. It just boggles my mind.
So yes, rant over.
Maybe.
-Ms. Conduit
Saturday, June 12, 2010
She needs to feel, that fire. <3
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Hey guys, someone mentioned to me today that my blog comment button thing wasn't working. So, no one has been able to comment. Well,I fixed it today I think. So, if you'd like to comment anything, you can :P
No one is good there is not even one The front pages of papers of children raped by rapist Iraqi torture chambers and we the blame claim we're blameless Wrong all And swelling up inside of us there's this pride in us this arrogance And our only line of defense is the sense that I'm not as half as bad as this friend of mine so I must be fine We mean well don't we Yet I've never seen good intentions set a man free from Hurt all This poor unfortunate soul Filling a single void with toy after toy with girl after boy How boring this wasn't this meant to be Humanity's life story Warring with God saying what have you done for me bought all Hanging out for six hours marred beyond recognition In complete submission to the Fathers will still A proclamation was made louder than the loudest temptation With more beauty than all His creation More eternal than eternity more angelic than the heavenlies It Is done You are bought with blood. Accept and rejoice For freedom has come.
But I believe in music... The way that some people believe in fairy tales.
Listen. Can you hear it? The music. I can hear it everywhere. In the wind... in the air... in the light. It's all around us. All you have to do is open yourself up. All you have to do... is listen.
The drive to West Virginia was exhausting. -_- It made my face look icky. xP
Goodnight blogger. I'll be sure to take a picture of my new guitar when I get it tomorrow. I can't wait to see it. God bless :D
Oh, and thank you to my two new followers on here, if you read this (; I love followers, but not as much as I love Jesus. Aha. Maybe my goal of 100 followers by 2011 will happen... I'm at 16 followers... ha.
Oy oy, blogger, you would not believe the day I had. But lets start first... West Virginia.
Ah, West Virginia. My half brothers house with my dad, half bro, and his wife. And their 7 dogs, and 3 horses, and 2 cats. Of course the river too.
My brother who believes there is more than one way to get to heaven. Who just doesn't care. Well you see, I left my bible out on the table every night opened to things I thought would catch his attention. He has a habit I have, he wakes up in the middle of the night to eat. Maybe he read it when he woke up and ate, maybe not. I hope he did though.
And ah, Emily and Lindsay. My two friends down there. We sat in the river as Lindsay asked why I've been wearing skirts. I replied with "Well, I'm a pentecostal". To which, her jaw dropped. Then she proceeded to tell me I'm too "God-y" for her. I told her, at least I'm happy. And she said "Well, I'm glad it works for you. I mean, I don't serve satan or anything but..." Ha. At least I caught her off guard anyway. Showed my love for Jesus. I honestly wouldn't wear skirts if I didn't feel like it. I don't think you have to do anything special to make Jesus love you. Not that I'm against it. My church is apostolic pentecostal, and I love it. And I enjoy wearing skirts. But if I didn't want to, I wouldn't. Either way, I always have something about me that someone notices, and I find a way to tell them about Jesus. Whether they like it or not. :D
So, other than that... a 5 mile hike... the park.. guys trying to flirt with me while they failed at fishing.. a dog sleeping in bed with me every night... lots of late night texting.. staying up all night to finish a book before I came home... Swimming in the river... coffee... campfires every night.. lots of guitar playing... me and David :) He let me play his beautiful guitar. I really didn't even think he would let me touch it. I wouldn't if it were mine. Ha.
Oh,and my brother said I'm so good at guitar, I deserve a new one... well ironically enough.. that same day I got a text from someone from my old church... Ken Simon. He's like, a second dad to me and I loveeee him. Well, he asked if I'm still playing guitar and if I got a new one. I told him yes I'm still playing, but still the same ol' acoustic. Then he replied with "I have one here with your name on it." And I was like "No way, you're joking." and he said.. "Brand spankin' new! Love you!" Ahhhhhhhhhhh ♥ Ken got me a new guitar. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow. God is so good to me I could dance!
Well... when I made it home everything turned stressful. It was good at first.. went through mcdonalds for a coffee before I got home... drank my coffee while I caught up with my computer stuff.... well... then my friend said something crazy happened.. and his relative.. went crazy on him and he was stranded in Florida... I spent a lot of time being worried sick about him.. well... then I sang praise songs to Jesus, on my ol' acoussie... I was so thirsty I went to get a drink... and then... the last person I'd expect to cuss at me.. flipped out... I asked what was going on... oh, I'm cleaning the "f#$king" kitchen. He's never said that word in his entire life. I went upstairs and cried. And prayed for God to forgive him.. and sang praise songs. I am not talking to him again until he apologizes.
So, my friend Dwayne called me and let me cry to him for a while.. then my friend who was stranded texted me... he's okay and he'll be home in two days. God, that makes me so happy. I don't know what I'd do without him. So, all in all I've had a rough day. I'm happy now, the joy of the Lord is my strength.. but boy am I weary. My eyes are burning.. and I just need to chill.
-Ms. Conduit
Have you ever missed someone so much you were sick to your stomach? One. More. Week.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Running through the stream with the horses, I love West Virginia. <3
I woke up this morning, not myself and thoughts fill my mind..
Good morning dear blogger,I'm up but hardly ready to start the day. Staying up till 2am doesn't help much. And besides that, at 4am I woke up because I heard a flood going on outside. The thunder was thundering, lightning lightnining? haha. And the rain was hitting the roof, and washing down the street. It sounded like a river. I was almost afraid my trip to WV would be ruined, but I finally fell back to sleep.. woke up today and the sunshine is out. Strange.
So in other news, I had a "fiber one" brand poptart with 20% of my daily fiber. It wasn't half bad. In fact it was rather tasty. My cat is sitting on me right now, and keeps putting her head on my hands as I try to type. She is so adorable. And somewhat annoying. :)
Well.. blogger.. I suppose I should say goodbye. I'll do tiny phone updates I suppose.. it just won't be the same as ranting on and on every night. I'm going to miss you. Maybe I'll be able to get on a computer there... <3
-Ms. Conduit
Friday, June 4, 2010
I look into your eyes, This feeling caught me by surprise. Is there to be something more? Something I couldn't see before? I was chasing after something that I didn't need, I couldn't understand it, a language I couldn't read. You were always right there in front of me, but for some reason I just couldn't see. I always seem to miss what I already own, You're always by my side, I'm never alone. Now that I see, I'll never leave you're what's true and I'll always believe.
You never know when something could change, In the blink of an eye things could never be the same. So take your chance, give it your all No matter what happens I'll be there for you whenever you fall. We may not always know what comes next, But through it all there's one thing you can always expect. I'll always be your friend, always love you, I'll try my best to always be true.
Your love, is extravagant Your friendship, oh intimate. I feel I'm moving to the rhythms of Your grace, Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ, is the love that covers sin No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend, Capture my heart again. ♥
Can I sing about my Maker, then have you not roll your eyes? Can I weep about my savior, and the way He died? I know it don't make sense, to those who ride the fence but I am sold out to Christ. <3
So, I'm pretty happy. Scratch that, I'm incredibly happy. I'm so happy, I could be happy. Wow. Ha. But anyway. I was going to go to West Virginia today, but then I would of missed youth service tonight. Well, I'm gonna go to WV tomorrow morning instead :D so. I can go to youth service. Which shall be awesome. We're going to have a bonfire and what not. (:
Life is wonderful. And I am excited.
-Ms. Conduit
For petes sake. Girls are so emotional. -_-
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Trust in the LORD, and do good;Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.Delight yourself also in the Lord,And He shall give you the desires of your heart.Commit your way to the LORD,Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,And your justice as the noonday. Psalms 37:3-6
Thank you Jesus <3
I never knew things would turn out the opposite of what I expected. Not that that's a bad thing. It's just, I never thought it would be the complete opposite...
So,tomorrow I'm probably for sure maybe going to West Virginia for a week with my dad and bro to stay with my half bro. If that happens, twill be fun. If not, I can stay here and go to church because if I go to WV I'm gonna miss two services :/ Which makes me sad. But it'll be okay. Ha.
I'm pretty tired. I've been staying up all night for the past 3 nights witnessing to people online. They're all getting pretty close to accepting Him. It's worth all the loss of sleep. If I can at least get one person to accept Him in their heart. :)
Speaking of hearts, yeah mine is happy :D God is just so good. Soooooooooooo good. Anywho, I'm too lazy to say anything else right now. :/ So hopefully I'll do a better post later.