A kid from the past.

This is a contradiction.

I'm one of those people who is most touched/inspired/learns best from visual and sound. Meaning a person can explain something to me a million times but I still might not get it. But if they draw a picture to illustrate their point, then I'll understand. Or if they play a song. Or perhaps if something I heard in my past comes back. Like an old voicemail. Which just happened to happen today. Why I still have voice messages from January 29th, 2011, I'll never know. But I listened to them all from that date til now, and honestly, I felt like crying. I thought, "How could I screw that up?" But then the next voicemail came up which was from a different person. It just made me frustrated, and I thought, "How could I be so stupid?". Finally another voicemail came up. It was from my dad, from Wednesday. His only words were two bible verses, and "goodbye". And honestly, those were the most helpful. The Word of God, and my dad are so, so inspiring. I was given hope. Maybe I did screw up in my past. Maybe I lost some amazing people who were in my life. Or maybe they were only amazing when things were going great, but as soon as things got tough they turned on me. I know I've made mistakes, and I still do it to this day. But I've got God. I've also got those people who have stuck with me through this all. Everything. Though they're few, they are the best. And though I may be single forever, I would be fine as long as I had Jesus. Though I'm sure He'll send me a man someday. For now, I've been single for a while. And I plan to keep it that way until someone impresses me, AND makes the first move. So, it could be a while. Lets see who's got time to waste.

-Ms. Conduit

You left an imprint on my mind.

"Oh after glow, look out below

We left a trail of dust behind

As we parted ways, he held my gaze

and left an imprint on my mind."

So the fast pace of life leads me to wonder about a lot of things. And when I get a free moment, you come into my mind. Which is odd when I think about it. I've seen you but three times, and we both lead busy lives. But the few times we've spent together have had such an impression on me and you don't even know it. I highly doubt that you spend time thinking about me, but I guess you just never know. There are others that I'm around all the time that could easily be nice guys, but I'm the type who doesn't believe in setting my hopes on a man anymore. I'm hardcore. The girl who's heart can't be won, I guess you could say. But you've got me thinking. It's odd. You're not the type who makes me despise men. You're not the kind to be self-centered and think that everyone likes you. You're not the kind to flirt with girls. You're the type who cares enough to tell me to have a great first day at internship, and pray for me. And that my friend, is something that no one else did. You're the type of guy who just might change my mind. But only if you make the first move. xD I'm a lady, and I'm old-fashioned. I've changed from my stupidity, my old days of thinking it was best to just tell a guy "HEY I LIKE YOU!" and get it over with. See, that's dumb. The man has to do it. x)

Rant over/.

-Ms. Conduit

Best friends.

This is a totally random and off subject post about what I'm looking for in a best friend. Mainly because my only best friend right now is Jesus, and though He's all I need, I'd like a flawed human being best friend as well. Because I'm flawed too. So yeah.

I'll go ahead and throw out some things.

They must be;

1. A Christian.

2. Serious about God.

3. Willing to talk about God.

4. Willing to read the bible together.

5. Caring.

6. Loving.

7. Kind.

8. Hilarious.

9. Understanding.

10. Patient.

I want a best friend who understands that I'm a nerd. Like legit nerd. I'm not cool to any extent. I'm a little bit of everything. I'm into music big time, so this friend would preferably understand my love for music and maybe even love it as much themselves. We'd share inside jokes. Like big eyes and little mouth. Most importantly, this friend would have to understand me to a good extent. Like, when it comes to guys I act like I'm not liking anyone ever again and that they're all a little pathetic and silly. (I mean, I still treat them like they're my brother in Christ- if they are. If not I just reject them or shut down if they come near me.) But in reality, I'm a hopeless romantic. Having high standards makes it so hard to find a good guy. But, that's okay. Because this best friend would understand that God has a man for me and would encourage me to wait for said man. This best friend would know a lot about video games, or at least somewhat. This best friend would know the bible very well and be able to help me if I hit a weak spot in my relationship with God. This best friend would help keep me awake when I need to be, because due to crazy life I hardly get enough sleep and am very tired sometimes. This best friend would make/buy me coffee every once in a while. But more importantly, this best friend would love me. For who I am. For who God made me. They would understand that I'm an oddball for a reason. That I like to do crazy makeup and look different from other people for a reason. And they would love every bit of it. ♥

God, I need this friend. Please send them soon.

~Christina

Dale's Legacy ♥

After waking up today, I logged into facebook for my early morning creeping. But I found out something I didn't expect. A friend I recently met, and a very nice man of God/worker in the kids classes at church passed away. Twenty-two years old. After looking into it a little more, I was in shock. The bible study that I go to sometimes on Thursday nights, he was there last night. After leaving it, and walking back to his car, two men stopped him. They asked him for money, and then robbed him and shot him. He died at 5:55 this morning. The number five means grace, if you're looking at it from the biblical meaning. And honestly, it confused me. How can there be grace in this situation? Many of us at faith family lost a beloved friend, brother in Christ, and an awesome man of God. And then I began thinking. The song "Your Grace Is Enough" came to mind. And after that, a bible verse.

"So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 2:7-8

So, I began to think about that. We at faith family feel like we're at our weakest after this loss. And I'm sure many of us are questioning God, as to why Dale? Why when he was only 22 years old, so young? But then I thought of Dale. He was always so happy, always smiling, always doing something for God, to better the kingdom. We're all wishing it wasn't so that he was gone, because he was such an inspiration. We could all sit here and weep all day for this loss- or we could remember that Dale is up there cheering us on, reminding us that life is short and that we need to win people to Christ before this life is over. He wouldn't want us to be sad. He would want us to get up, go out, and win souls. In this weakness, he'd want us to rely on God's strength to show us where to go from here. Dale, you may be gone, but you'll never be forgotten, and I can't wait to have a holy ghost party together when Iget to heaven. Thank you for all that you did while on this earth. Thank you for inspiring us to do more for others like you did.

We may not all understand this now. But this is the start of another level. A new thing. When we're at our weakest, God gives us His strength. Our pride in life is slowly fizzling away, because now we understand how short it is. It's not about what you have, or what you've accomplished, unless through those things you're winning people to Christ. The same thing could happen to anyone that happened to Dale- and I don't want to let that happen to someone who ISN'T a christian. I don't want to let hell grow bigger. Lets go win some souls for Dale. ♥

~Ms. Conduit

P.s. another thing about grace.. I commonly go to the bible study he was at. And I was going to go last night, but I didn't. But by God's grace. My life will not be a waste. Also, keep in your prayers the men who shot Dale. They can receive God's grace just as well as the rest of us.

I wrote a poem in honor of Dale, and figured I'd go ahead and share it here.

Dale's Legacy by: Christina Shumard

It's hard to believe that you're gone,
It seems life is a day that doesn't last for long.
As I sit here and remember the life you lead,
I'm ever so proud to have called you friend.
Dale loved God with everything inside,
And his passion for the lost was something he couldn't hide.
Though we can't understand why,
As we weep and find it hard to say goodbye,
What satan meant for evil, God will turn around for good
We will win this city, I know that we could.
Dale was a great man of God, and gave people hope
If someone was cold, he would of given his coat.
Even in his death, lessons were taught
Life is short and there are battles to be fought
Against the rulers of darkness and hell,
We've got a mission and many to tell
About the love of God and the price that was paid
For our souls, it's the one thing that will never fade.
Lets not let Dale's passing be in vain,
Lets be inspired and spread God's fame.
We'll share this message until it's time
To see Dale and Jesus, and party on the other side.

So blogger, I must rant. I still can't get Sunday night off of my mind. I'll spare you the details, but it was incredible. But it makes me sad. Why, you ask? Well, I'm probably the only one who's still thinking about it. But maybe not, why not go and have too high of hopes? There's always hope. In better news I finished another song, and I'm quite excited about it. We're probably going to play it at a coffee shop. My friend Matt is coming down from Columbus for four days. He's staying with the drummer in my band to see if he wants to move here, and be in the band as our bassist that we really, really need. He'll be here tomorrow. I decided I'm going to go to try-outs for the faith family praise and worship band tomorrow. Why not? It'd give me more practice for A Way Eternal. That is, if I make it. But I can't see why I wouldn't, I'm surrounded by the favour of God. Internship starts today at 3, and you have no idea how good it felt to sleep in. I don't think I slept at all from Saturday-Monday. And it plum wiped me out. But now, I'm nice and rested and ready for day 3 of GROW. Plus there's church tonight. That's always fantastic. Okay, maybe I'll share a few details from Sunday night. I was hanging out with my friend who has this really awesome cousin. I mean, his cousin is so cool. And due to some odd circumstances, we ended up bored with nothing to do. So he texted his cousin and asked if we could come over so he could teach me some guitar stuff. He. Said. Yes. Haha, so we headed over there and I about died. Okay, you know me. Miss I never like anyone. And I don't. But I will admit to being interested in him. We played guitar together. And we ended up writing a song together. He wrote music. I wrote lyrics. And it was beautiful. We had a really awesome time, and then I left. And he texted me the next morning. He said "good morning! I hope everything goes well, praying for you :)" Because it was my first day of internship. And I was so, so very happy. But after that, nothing eventful happened. We didn't talk anymore. I texted him yesterday saying I hope he had a good day (one of those, "you don't have to respond" messages) but he responded. A few times even. And then he quit responding. It was a bummer. Anywho, I finished the bridge for the song we were writing today. I figure I'll let him know tomorrow as a good excuse to talk to him. But other than that, I'm not doing anything else. You're the man. You chase me.

~Ms. Conduit

So I lied. I didn't blog right when I got back from church camp. Life was busy, yo. I know excuses are bad though so I apologize. Also, I don't really like the background I currently have, so I'll change it eventually. But! I started internship today. It was fantastical! I'm totally exhausted. And the pathetic thing is, I want a part time job during the internship. So I need to man up or something. Bwahaha. But really, if I find a job, I'll be balancing; Internship, Work, Church, The band, and my social life. Is it possible? With coffee... I mean, With God all things are possible! :P Jesus and coffee can get me through this. So job searching I will go! In the mean time, I'm mind blown. The seven of us who are in the internship... well.. I'm wondering how well we're all going to get along. We've got Hyper, ADD, Dopey, Quirky, Ambitious, and Serious. And then there's me. I don't know what I am. Heck, I'm all of those things sometimes. But really, I love all the people in the internship, and I'm sure in time we'll all find a way to work well together. But I don't plan on sharing a whole lot of the more serious internship stuff on this blog unless it's really, really awesome. So, if you'd like to hear more about the internship, it's in my blog list entitled "One Common Cause". (: Anyway, outside of internship what's been going on.. well, A Way Eternal (my band) won't be playing at "His place for you" anymore. Just seems like the right decision. God doesn't make changes for the worst, and the changes that were made there were... well, not exactly good and I didn't agree with them. So to avoid conflict, it's better if we don't play there. But on the bright side! Now we have more time to record originals, and just go play at coffee shops and stuff like that. So I'm pretty excited about it. God's gonna take us to awesome places. Other than that, I've been up to church. Yesterday I wrote some music with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was really, really nice. I was super happy. I couldn't stop smiling which was slightly awkward but, it happens. But I have to be up at five, so I'll stop ranting for now and try again tomorrow. I love you all still, thank you for sticking with me this long. Sweet dreams blogger.

~Ms. Conduit ♥