Fireproof.

Earlier,I watched "Fireproof" with my
parents.

I really liked it. It was a pretty decent movie.
I got a little curious about that
"40 day love dare" from the movie,and googled
it. Turns out,it's real. Almost made me wish
I was married so I could try it. Hah!

But,I am not. So I cannot. But that's
alright. I bookmarked the page anyways.

-Ms. Conduit

& in that moment,I swear we were infinite...

So,today I read "The perks of being a wallflower".
I have very many weird thoughts about it.
I personally think it had a lot of bad influences,
but in the end I guess there was a lot of good
messages in it as well. I guess it wasn't a waste
of 3 hours. I couldn't stop reading it.
I feel kinda like Charlie,thinking too much..
Just thinking,so much. It's kinda weird when
you realize that you think too much
about silly things. Then you start to wonder
why which brings about more silly thinking.

It made me think of last summer,in Indiana
at church camp. 1am,walking across the football
fields with Nate,Eby,and Nick. We had only met
two days before,but it felt like forever. We all knew
it was going to end,but we enjoyed the beauty
of the moment anyways. The stars were shining...
"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

-Ms.Conduit

Thoughts.

Thoughts on you.

I sat here with my eyes closed for a
few moments.. and all I seemed to notice
was the humming of my heater,and my
tired breaths. I was hoping for something
a little more meaningful. No thoughts
came. Sometimes I'm so thankful when
the thoughts just won't come.

It was only 5 months ago that
I was completely crazy over
something that was impossible
at the time anyways.

It was only 2 months ago
that I had something that was
more possible,but didn't happen
anyways.

It was only a month ago that
something almost happened,
but I decided it wasn't what I really
wanted.

Now where am I? I was only Saturday,
that I discovered this is a lot better
for me than those other things. Although
there isn't much of a chance,it's a
beautiful dream anyways.

Thoughts on me.

Am I who I should be?Would I be
proud of myself if I were someone else?

I'm NOT perfect.
As much as you expect of me,
perfect is something I cannot be.
I am going to make mistakes.
My hair is too thin,
I've got a few pimples.
I'm not stick thin,
& I'm not the most beautiful.

But I forgive,with all I've been hurt.
I love,with whatever I have left.
I dream,with the shattered pieces.
I may look like a mess to you,
but you can't see what I'm becoming.
You must first become beautiful on the
inside,before it'll truly show on the
outside.

Thoughts on everyone.

Nobody is perfect,no matter how
we try. But there is one thing,
that I know without a shadow of
a doubt.. Jesus loves every single
one of us. Unconditionally,
more than we could imagine.
He's always there,and He always
will be. You just gotta say yes,
and let Him wrap you up in His
loving arms. He's the best thing
that's happened to me,and anyone
for that matter.

I'm trying to love everyone. Just like
He does. It's not always easy,but
I want to be more like him. So it's
something I really need to work on.

As much as people irritate me,
I've come to the conclusion that
people will always hurt me. It's
unavoidable. Even people I love
with everything I've got,they're gonna
hurt me. Cause we don't get it. We just
don't. We're human,but we try our best.

We live,we love,we forgive and never give up.
-Superchic[k]

- Ms. Conduit

It's now or never.

Things have been going good for a while now.
But I'm wondering for how long,I can't possibly
keep having good days,in a row so many times.
It's been a good ride though. I have a feeling,
tomorrow it might end. Or,maybe it may not.
Maybe it'll be the beginning of something new.
But I am going to say what I feel,regardless of what
could happen. If I don't say how I feel,I'll never know.
And I'm tired of that. God,give me the strength
to say these things. I know all things work together
for the good of those who love Him,so it's all gonna
work out either way. In the end. But now,I gotta
take risks. Nothing risked,is nothing gained.

It's now or never,
take my hand before this one
last dance
don't live your life full of regrets
take these words and scream out
loud can't you see,that this is how
life is supposed to be. -Alex Weihs.

So,that's it. It's now or never,
all or nothing. Although,it's technically
now "now" more like tomorrow night.
But you know. The thought of it makes
me nervous and excited at the same
time.

But I know I don't have to be nervous,
Cause as always,it'll all go according to
God's plan for my life because that's
what I'm praying for. I may not understand
it now,but someday I will.

Things change all the time for me,
and so do feelings. I want unshakable
feelings. Ones that won't change no
matter what. That's why I've just got
to find the right crowd and such and so.
We shall see,all in due time;all in time.

It's kinda funny how things turn out
sometimes. I'm probably going to do
like 30 posts to blogger tonight haha!
I have a lot of separate things to say..
but yet they're all connected in one way,
they all come from my heart. No matter
how silly they are. My heart sometimes
feels silly things. Not my fault.

Haha. So there's that.

-Ms.Conduit

All of those memories,and all of those times...

I've seen this situation too many times before,
and I can't let this happen to me again.

I'm great,I just dig that song haha!
I want this really bad though.
So,tomorrow I've got church,
which I'm super duper excited for.
It's gonna be awesome!
I really wanted to go to homecoming,
but of course... blech.
Always,always bail on me,why?
I'll probably never get to go to a homecoming.
It'll be too late soon. But that's okay.
I guess if I don't go to one,it wasn't meant to be.
Maybe a prom? Who knows.

Sooo I wrote a song again today.
I wanted to write one,but couldn't
think of lyrics,then I just grabbed my guitar..
and started playing chords,and words
came out of my mouth. It was like,
a EUREKA!Moment... it turned out really
good... Well,somewhat anyway. It's not
perfect,but it's a start.

I will be a talented person someday.

=]

My heart won't stop.

-Ms. Conduit

I'm on top of the WORRRRLLLLLD!

I really like this.
I've had the best few days,
and it's still going good.
It's gonna get even better
tomorrow. It's really
amazing how fast things turn
around.

My heart is beating once more,
and I love this feeling,I'm on
top of the world.

Can't it be like this forever? Except
maybe a little better,with what I want.
The one thing I'd like to have right now.

But things are fantastic either way.

=]

I'm falling.
Ka-boom.

-Ms.Conduit

Count sheep? blech.

I'm so terribly lonely right now :/
No one is ever awake when I am.
Why is that?
There's got to be someone out there...
wishing to catch some beautiful
dreams,rather than living through
these lonely nights... all the silence
that the music can't even break through.
I just don't know what to do with myself.
It used to be better...there used to always
be someone,no matter what time I could
find someone who was awake. But now,
there's no one awake. Dwayne
said I can text him anytime. I wouldn't
mind that,but I'm not in much of a
Dwayne mood. I know the people I feel
like talking to now.. and all of them
are unconscious,dreaming of the way
things could be,or things should never
be. I wish I could do that right now.
It's 3:21am. I've been waiting to see it
at this time for weeks,because it's 3-2-1..
like a count down. I try to find joy in silly
things. Sometimes it's real tough cause
there's big things keeping me from joy.
I've had it with sleepless nights.
That is IT! If I can't sleep by 10 tomorrow,
I'm gonna try those blasted disgusting
sleeping pills. I hate feeling like this.

-Ms. Conduit