And here I lay,

Just a little girl with a silly dream.

Simply to be treated like I've never been treated before. But not in a bad way, for you see, I've been through all of that. I want someone to prove to me that I am worth what people claim I am. They say all of these nice things about me, but the actions never follow. Never. And it leaves me to wonder. Words don't mean anything without action to follow. For actions speak louder than words. I know words mean a lot to me, but can't you try a little harder, please?

Here I sit, looking back on the past few days. Looking back on my life. Tuesday AWE(my band, or rather the band I'm in, I feel like I'm claiming it as mine when I say "my band" but really I'm not.) took a roadtrip down to Carrollton. We went to show some folks what we can do, basically. They were looking for a spirit-filled band to play on August 6th, and they said they found one; Us. I'm rather glad they liked us. It was a lot of fun to play in a sort of studio. They said we can come record a CD whenever. So we're going to work on originals so that we can sell them. Not that anyone would buy them, but hey, you never know. I'm just so thankful for how far God has brought us since only April. The trip we took to Mcdonalds on the way home was somewhat disastrous. I mean, it was lovely except for one thing. And it can all be blamed on that stupid thing I did the other day. I feel like I've let Tessa down, but she swears it's okay. I just feel like a leader to her. I want to be a good example. I'm supposed to be the 'good christian girl'. But thinking on it, I don't want to be labeled as that. So in the end it all worked out. Today was just lovely. I woke up and wasted some time. And then got ready for church. I wore my crazy pants that both my mother and sister begged me not to buy. People liked them. I felt bold for daring to wear them. Anyways, prayer and stuff before church was awesome. The song we sang. What Jordan said. Just what I needed. He said that we tend to think leaders are perfect or that we feel the need to be perfect as leaders; Bam. But what's even better, he announced that- egad, leaders are not perfect! Everyone has problems no matter who you are. It's not the problems you have, but how you handle them. It made me feel a lot better. Praise and worship was awesome. Church was awesome. I feel the need to go out witnessing now, or start a bible study or something. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Everyone deserves to have this feeling, this freedom, this joy, this never-ending love. Tonight got really deep. Jared and I ended up sitting under the stars talking about his mother, and college, and God, and direction. Honestly, I have no idea where all the words I said came from. I quoted many a bible verse, I tried my best to say the right thing, and though it didn't feel like I made much of a difference; I know God gave me all the words. It makes me so, so happy to know that God is still speaking through me. I've been off my game for a few days, but I think I'm back on track. I met someone new at church today, and she made me smile. She complimented me; "I like your pants. And your shirt. And your vest. And your face." Bahah. ♥ Not to mention I got Jared's sister to talk a little. Their mom's birthday is tomorrow so we're going to go shopping and try to find something for her. I told her to bring her Owl City CD since I like OC as well, and she started talking about music. And it just made my day. I'd say today was pretty successful. I even did my daily devotions. Generally on church days I get too busy. But I did them today. Now that I'm exhausted, and have to be up at 8am. I think I should go to bed. No matter how dark things seem, there's always a light. And it seems that the darker it gets, the more you see the light. The darkness can never extinguish it. And that is what gives me hope.

-Ms. Conduit

Okay, Blogger, I miss you. Blogster is completely wonderful, but some people are total knuckle heads. You're the only place I can rant about these folk. So I'm sure most of you know how I am. I love everyone. I want to be your friend. I don't judge people. So this girl had a really depressing blog, and I wanted to be her friend. I sent her a friend request. I go back to her profile to see if she accepted, but she hadn't, and she added more to her 'about me'; "im an atheist i really don't like it when people try and enforce their religion or their beliefs on me so please dont otherwise i will have to block you." All I did was sent the girl a friend request. Gee wiz. Maybe I like you better blogger. People may not comment on anything, but at least they aren't haterz. :P

I'll copy my blogster post later and post it here. Peace.

-Ms. Conduit

P.s. I still love you all! :D

I sometimes feel like a total contradiction.

Do you ever get that?

I want to be seen as strong, but sometimes I just want to break down.

But that's besides the point.

So yesterday was absolutely brilliant. Went boating with Stephanie, saw an old friend, had some church!, got to spend some time with the band and someone else who's rather amazing. Today was incredibly boring. I didn't do a thing but go to the library, treat myself to DQ, and play music. Not that any of those things are bad, I just felt really lazy and not like doing anything. So it's my own fault. But that's quite alright. I'm sure tomorrow will make up for it. To be honest, I haven't read my bible yet today. And that's probably why it wasn't all that great. I usually try to read in the morning to start the day off right, but I didn't today. But that's okay! I can read it before bed and get back on track tomorrow. I did accomplish a few things today though. I did some cleaning, and wrote some lyrics. So that kind of makes me feel a little better.

My heart feels content though. And honestly, I'm just ridiculously giddy. Normally being this way makes me feel absolutely moronic, but you know, it's okay. It's nice to be smiling like a dork, and dancing around my kitchen. Maybe this will be right.

I'm excited about how the band is going. I can't wait til Sunday. And I'm plum tuckered out. So I guess I'll cut this short. Goodnight and stuff.

~Christina

"My heart is confident in you, O God;

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises

Wake up, my heart!

Wake up, O lyre and harp!

I will wake the dawn with my song.

I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.

I will sing your praises among the nations.

For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.

Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.

May your glory shine over all the earth."

Psalm 57:7-11

Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there ♥

Oh blogger, I do apologize. It's been nearly a month since I have wrote to you. I will confess; I've started using blogster. People actually read and comment on there. Though my love for you blogger, will never end. So I shall start using you again too. Okay, I admit it. I'm crazy. But what else is new. Rant, begin.

My life. Is awesome! I've been having the best day of my life everyday for a while now. You know why? Because I have Jesus Christ in my life. Honestly, that will never change. My mind will not be changed, I will never be swayed. He's the reason, and that's all there is to it. I'm not sure where to begin with what's been going on, so I guess I'll do it this way.

1. A Way Eternal. The band. At first I typed "my band", but I changed that. For it would seem like I was claiming that I'm the leader. The only leader in AWE, is Jesus. We all started out pretty shaky, members changed constantly, but now, we're standing strong. Darius, Tessa, and I. Yes, we don't have as many instrument players as we would like, but God will bring them in time. But honestly, we're getting really good. I'm getting better at guitar and vocals, and training Tessa as well. Darius plays both bass and drums. He's switched to bass since we don't have a drum cage at the time and the drums are way too loud for the small place we're playing in. So, for now we're working on making money for the things we need, and just worshiping God. There is NOTHING I love more than to lead people into the presence of God through praise and worship. It's really an amazing feeling. Sunday during practice, some intense things happened. We actually started out practice by doing some bible devotions. It changed the whole atmosphere. We ended up talking about our past mistakes, and all I can say is; wow. Looking at us now, you would of never guessed such things. It's incredible how far God has brought us. By then, we were so moved that we just started practicing. But it was more worship than practice. And THAT, is how it should be. It was perfect. And I really want it to keep going like that. Darius and I said the same thing at the same time, without even planning it. We blurted out that A Way Eternal isn't just a band, it's a family. And I believe that with my whole heart. God put us together as a very strange family.

2. Church/Bible Study/Church related things. I'm almost done attending Christian Lighthouse Church. Not because there's anything wrong with it, because there's not. It's a wonderful church full of wonderful people. I only attend there on Sunday mornings currently. Wednesdays and Saturday nights I attend Faith Family Church. I will be going to FFC full time, come September. I was accepted into the GROW internship at FFC which is a part time internship. When it's time, I'll start working at the church as my job as well. So I'll work part time, intern part time, and still play in the band. Those things will take up all of my time. Church has been incredible. Pastor Noah comes up with the coolest stuff for his sermons. Most people wouldn't think of the stuff he does. I really enjoy it. Wednesday nights are my favorite. Well, it's a hard decision actually. Because I do really enjoy playing with the band on Sundays. Anyway. G2 girls bible study is done until September. I guess we're taking a break for the summer, which kind of saddens me. I don't know if I'll have time to go to it once I'm in internship. Though I don't have internship on Fridays and Saturdays, I'll probably be working those days. Depending. But yeah. Anyways, that's what's been going on in this area.

That's all I really do with my life besides spending time with friends. Lawl. It sounds boring, but these things do take up all of my time and it's super enjoyable.

I've accomplished one of my BIGGEST dreams. I saw Owl City in concert on Friday. Oh my gosh. It was really a magical experience. It inspired both Darius and I to be better in the band. So now I keep attempting to jump with my guitar and swing it around. It's really hard, so it must take a lot of practice. It's fun though. I camped at Alive as well, and another big dream came true. I saw Hillsong United live. The presence of God was like BAM! And I knew, without a doubt, that worship is the area I'm meant to work in. It's what I'm meant to do with my life. God's plan for me. I also saw Skillet, Third day, Family force 5 for the second time, Switchfoot, Tenth Avenue North, and many other bands. It was a great experience. I made quite a few friends. It was one of the most interesting 5 days of my life.

So I'm skipping a lot of stuff that I could type in here but am to lazy to remember... so yeah. Friday I saw Owl City. Saturday I went to a church meeting, went to band practice, went to Jared's grandparents house for dinner, and went with Jared to see fireworks. Sunday I went to church, came home, felt like a bum and didn't want to go to band practice, went anyway and it was the best practice we've had, got DQ, practiced more, and came home. Monday I did a load of nothing, then Jared and I went hiking, to Wendys, then to his house, and went to see fireworks over the lake. It was pretty cool. I've had some really good days. Tomorrow I've got church, and an old friend is coming with me. So I'm really excited about that. Oh, AWE is going to start recording stuff. I bought this recording program a while back, but it wouldn't work on my computer. So we're going to stick it in Darius' mac and see if it works. It should, so that's kind of exciting. It won't be legit, considering there's not a guitar/bass plug but just a mic, but it'll be cool anyway. Alright. That's a bit of what I've been up to, so I'll say goodnight for now. Until next time, blogger.

-Ms. Conduit

P.s. I still love you all.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20