I heart my guitar. And I kind of like this picture as well.
It's raining right now, and it's rather inspiring. Maybe I'll write another song. ♥

I'm gonna have my own website soon. And I'm gonna
travel from place to place playing music. Bahaha,
well, I can dream can't I?

♥

-Ms. Conduit

What are you thankful for?

What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

So, dear blogger people..
Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm still sick. Wooo isn't that
lovely. I'm not having a Thanksgiving
meal,either. And it's really saddening.
I'll still be thankful though. Because
I have so many blessings to be thankful
for. Regardless of whether or not I'm
sick. And if I've only slept 6 hours in the
past two days. It's all good.

I'm definitely thankful for..
1. Jesus. - for saving my soul, for
loving me, for understanding me, for listening,
for forgiving me numerous times, for always
being there, for being my strength, for being
my hero, for being.. my everything.
2. Food. - for being amazingly scrumdidlyumptious,
and making my tummy content.
3. Jacob. - for being himself, for always smelling
amazing, for having an awesome smile that makes
me melt, for giving the best hugs, for caring about
me, and for loving me. Thanks kid. ♥
4. Ivana. - for being one of the best flippin' friends
ever, for making me laugh even when she really isn't
trying to make anyone laugh, for being so awesome,
for being an amazing singer, for being there for me.
5. Family. - for taking care of me now that I'm sick,
for bothering to put up with me for so many years,
for buying food for me(THANK YOUUU!), for loving
me(most the time xP),and just for being my family.
6. All the other friends. - for caring about my feelings,
for trying to be there for me, for putting up with me since
I'm pretty terrible at trusting people, for looooving me,
for laughing with me, for all the good times we've had, and
many other things.
7. My Pastor. - for being the besttt pastor ever, for being
flippin' hilarious too, for being able to say something is "stupid!"
and everyone laughs, for teaching me the way to go, for guidance,
for preaching the word of God and truth to all you encounter.
8. Music. - for giving me a way to express my feelings, for soothing
me, for being there at any time, for making me feel emotions that I
didn't even know existed. And like, so many other things. But you
know.

So, yeah. I have more...
like,
a billion more tiny things.
Maybe I'll just make a list of them
tomorrow without bothering to explain each one.
yeah?

-Ms. Conduit

The night was young and so were we
Talked about life, God, death, and your family
Didn't want any promises,
Just my undivided honesty, and you said

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change, oh, they're gonna change

I am the patron saint of lost causes
A fraction of who I once believed (change)
only a matter of time
Opinions I would try and rewrite

-Anberlin

Dear Anberlin,
thank you. So much.
For your wonderful songs.
I adore them.
That is all.

Dear Flu,
Why must I have gotten you?
I'm rather tired of being tired and coughing
up green gunk. Being cold and hot at the same
time is not supposed to happen. Why?

Sincerely,
Ms. Conduit

Somebody get me out this mess I'm in
See I've been tryin' to do the best I can
But I keep on stumblin' over and over again
I ain't got no more excuses for ya
All that I can say is sorry
Won't you please come rescue me as quickly as you can

It's crazy how far we go
Just to put a little gas in our ego
That's what happens when your self esteem is low
We'll do anything to get people to notice us I know
It's tough but hey, imagine us throwin' our lives away
Because we're listenin' to the voice inside that chants
Says we'll never be significant if we can't
Fit in so we get into all kinds of trouble tryin' to be somebody we're not
Since in the beginning we've been givin' into the lie that says that we got
To keep up with the Jones's or get left behind
So we end up in debt tryin' to catch up it's messed up
'Cause ten years from now we can't press rewind
I want to invest in what stands the test of time

Chorus

I'm so sick and tired of being down and out
Tryin' to do what's right but wrong keeps comin out
I keep on tryin to write but songs ain't comin out
Plus now I'm getting older and time is runnin out I know,
Growth's a process but I can't see my progress
And I'm startin' to feel that my labor's in vain
So I hold on to the promise instead of my problems
Otherwise this stress is gonna drive me insane
Yes there's more to life than workin' 9 to 5
Buyin' things that make you feel fuzzy inside
I tried it and it worked at first for five minutes
But left me in the cold to hang like icicles oh!
Now I'm froze like a popsicle
Feel's like my mission's impossible
I'm stuck up in a maze full of obstacles
Keep on ending where I'm not supposed to go

Chorus

I just want to be okay with who I am, not have to run away
I'm so tired of trends I can't keep pretending
Playing these foolish games
-B. Reith

Dear B. Reith,
thank you. Thank you so much
for this song. Even though some
of it is rap, I still love it.

♥

♥

It's funny how she recalls what I can't remember now
But when her smile came back and I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack just because she looked so adorable
As we parted ways, she held my gaze
And left an imprint on my mind
I tried not to cry as we said goodbye
And hung the clouds above my town
But I shed a tear when she disappeared
Cause now I'm a stranger on the ground
But when her smile came back and I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack just because she looked so adorable
-Owl City

Oh owl city, how I love you. :]
Never do you cease to say just what
I'm thinking. Well, maybe just slightly
different. But you get most of it.

-Ms. Conduit

He wants to give up
Wants to try again
Honestly he doesn't know what he's feeling

Hey, you might not see it with your eyes
But keep your head up to the sky
The sun is coming through
Here's what you gotta do

Whoa, whoa...
Anytime you feel alone, put on your headphones
Love, love's coming through your headphones

So keep your head up high and dust off your shoulders
It's alright, no, it's not over
Love is here, it came to dry up all your tears
Oh, can you feel it
Gotta believe it, gotta see it
By your side in the middle of the night
So keep your head up high and the dust off your shoulders
It's alright, no it's not over

This ain't the first time you felt like this
This ain't the first time, this ain't the first time
This ain't the last time you'll feel like this
But it'll be fine
If you can just, smile

-Britt Nicole

Gotta admit, this song is gooooooooooooood.
:D

Me no gusta.

D:

Have you ever said something incredibly stupid,
and not even a moment later asked yourself,
"Why in the world did I say that?"

Yeah,
story of my life.
:x

Why kiss the feet of the people who kick you, when you can be anything that you want to?

How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind
Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I'll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of You that I reflect

Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now
-Relient k

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say.

-John Mayer

Just a rant :]

It completely boggles my mind how people can be so fake sometimes.
I mean, it doesn't really effect me much because I do not have much
contact with people like that, but still.
Example?
Well, you see..
Going to church half your life,
going to a church convention,
and flirting with girls while there...
Then, I decide to creep through your
facebook, and see that..
1. Your "religion" is athiest.
(I'm aware that athiest is to be capitalized,
but never will I capitalize that, even if I am
obsessed with correct spelling and grammar.)
2. You have a girlfriend that you have been with
but a week or two, and "love".
Yet, you think it's cool to flirt with every girl at
a church convention. You're so cool.
3. You say nothing about God on your page.
Nothing. But you thought you'd say that you were
going to ATF and not mention that it's a christian
convention because oh, that would be far too
embarrassing.

Honestly? Honestly people? Lets be real here.
And that, is one of many reasons I really don't want
to go anywhere with such a crew again.

Not to mention for some reason, the leaders didn't bother
to tell anyone that PDA is wrong at a church event. Actually,
PDA is wrong anywhere. And half of the kids were smoking.

God, this world is so lost. However are we supposed to fix it?
They all claim to be living for You, and they honestly think they
are. It makes me feel sick inside. I just want to be a light, and
somehow, someway make a difference in this darkness.

Also, I love my crew. I finally understand why I love MY church
so much. We're holy rollers fo real. And not fake. Whatsoever.

Sigh.

-Ms. Conduit

I'm really at a loss for what to say right now.
But I'm happy. I'm quite happy.

(:

Ms. Conduit

I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but...

Dear people,
How long will you continue to be clueless to what's
going on? You keep on living in your little day dreamy
worlds, not even realizing something disastrous is going
on. You friends world is falling apart. But yet, all you
can think about it yourself. How completely selfish.
Look around. Listen to what your friend is saying.

Sincerely,
me

I'm just tired of people lately.
I really am. I just wanna be with my Jesus!!!

Headed to ATF in minus 2 hours.
:]

-Ms. Conduit

Just so you know.

Dear people,
Just because you've attained what you wanted
does NOT mean that you stop pursuing it.
It isn't an excuse to quit putting effort and time
into this thing. Just because it's yours.
If that's the case, it won't be as lovely as when
you attained it, for it will grow moldy without
attention. Then you won't want it anymore anyways.
And you'll give it to someone who does.
And this person will put time into it, take care of
it, and shine it everyday. It will grow more beautiful
with each passing day that way. Just FYI.

Sincerely,
Me

There are two kinds of secrets:
Those we keep from others & those we keep from ourselves.

Thinking out loud.

Oh and I guess we made it
Or at least made it this far
And it all looks smooth from here
Oh and in a future day there may be waves but I must say the skies
Have never looked so clear
Oh and I guess we made it
Cause it ain't far to go from here-Relient K

Hey you, yeah you
Playing with my hope for truth
You always know just what to say
to make me lose my confidence
it's here and then it's gone again
maybe it's better off this way
with pathetic me, just pathetically
singing myself sick- Jimmy Robbins

The jumbled things in my mind,
Time is just so hard to find
Don't know what to say
Where I'll end up someday
Don't know what to do
I want to paint it all a different hue
Where to begin, everything is turning gray
There is not an in between,
It's hard to know what that means.
There is black, and there is white,
Not everything is alright so I must fight.
The truth is what's real,
Simply put but it cannot be concealed
Yet it isn't always revealed.
Blind to what's been working in our lives
Since before we were born, all the time.
Every moment, every tear
Coming together forever through the years.
To reveal an incredible remedy for mediocrity;
Divine destiny.
-Me

-Ms. Conduit

My hope is found ♥

So, I just gotta say I'm so glad I chose "Owl city" songs for my most
recent musical. As I said before, I'm rewriting owl city songs for a musical
that I'm writing.. (which won't ever be used for anything, just my own
entertainment) Well anyway, Adam(owl city) posted an amazing blog the
other day. He covered the song "In Christ alone" and I'm so glad that even
being famous, and loved by believers and unbelievers that he is sharing his
faith with the world. It could really change some lives. The blog made me
cry, it was just so touching. I really respect him, as an artist and a brother
in Christ :) so, Adam, you're very awesome. Keep doing what you're doing.

http://owlcityblog.com/2010/10/25/my-hope-is-found/

There's the link, to his post.
If anybody even reads my blog anymore,
you should check it out.

Dear blogger, I'm sorry I was gone for a few days.
I have pretty good excuses though.

Friday morning, I packed and got ready
to leave for Michigan. There was a two
day convention there, and my crew went.
So... the ride was 4 hours long. It wasn't so
bad until people started complaining.
And that's when I tried to listen to my ipod.
Anyway, after the most boring car ride..
we made it there. And the hotel was beautiful :D
I love staying in hotels. So, we had 2 hours before
the convention was to start. In my room, we ended
up watching "Blindside" to kill the time. I love that
movie. Anyway, night one... we headed out to the
convention thing, "Inferno". They started it with
just happy praise songs, you know. Then wow, the
sermon... it was incredible. I mean, it was kind of
something you've heard before.. but the preacher
guy spoke it in a new way that really hit me finally.
So, I've been working on leaving everything behind
to follow God. Peter had always wanted to be a fisherman,
he went out and watched people... studied it, and finally
he was old enough to be a fisherman. He was a great
fisherman and whatnot, and everything was working out.
But one day, this "Jesus" guy showed up on his boat. And said,
"Peter, leave your nets behind and follow me." Well... he had
a hard time with that... he was such a great fisherman and he
loved what he did. But in the end, he loved Christ more. He left
his nets and fishing behind. And it was worth it. Sure, he didn't have
the money anymore that he got from fishing.. but he had peace, happiness,
truth, hope, and love. And he got to follow the creator of the universe around,
and ask silly questions. There was a lot more to it, but that was the basic
message. It was awesome. In the end I ended up going to the alter and having
a good cry. Not a sad cry, but.. one of those "God, I submit myself to you, I know I
can do better" type of cries. You know? So that was day one. Afterwards there
was a thing called "afterburn" but I didn't want to go. It was just like, playing games
and stuff. So everyone in our crew went except Steph, Ivana, Sam, and I.
We stayed at the hotel. Sam sat on facebook, so the rest of us got nachos and sat
around talking. And I had the most awesome cappuccino. I asked what flavours they
had, and the guy said like... a billion different ones. And in the end I asked "Is it possible
for me to get vanilla and toasted marshmallow mixed?" And incredibly enough, he did
it. It made my taste buds sing for joy. Well, not really. But you know. Then we watched TV
and I went to bed around 2am. I woke up at 9 and got ready, then packed up my bags.
And we all headed to day 2. The praise songs were hardly any that I knew, so I just kinda
listened and worshiped without singing... and the sermon... it was about the guy in the
bible that had the withered hand and tried to hide it because he was ashamed of it. He
couldn't work or take care of himself because of his hand so he was a beggar. He hid his
hand in his cloak, and held out a cup while looking away so no one would recognize him.
He had a good successful job before his hand withered, I would imagine. So... he's in the
synagogue on a Sunday, and Jesus happens to be there speaking. And Jesus says something
like, "You, in the back. Come up here." so, mr. withered hand makes his way through the
people and they all watch. He's hiding his hand in his cloak too.. and is getting a little nervous.
He doesn't want anyone to see his weakness. Jesus then looks into his eyes, and says "reach out
your hand." Jesus doesn't say which hand. But guess which hand the guy reaches out?
The withered one. He took the step of faith, and trusted that Jesus wouldn't make him do that
and embarrass him. Jesus healed his hand. And then all was well. All because he took the leap of
faith, and revealed his weakness to Jesus. We all try to act like we've got it together, when
in reality we're just hiding our weaknesses in our "cloak" afraid to show anyone. And that kinda
really hit me, because I've been known to be that way. We were about to leave, and then preacher guy said something that really spoke to me... you see, before I went to Michigan I read in a book something about reading the Psalms out loud with confidence.. so I tried it. I opened to
a random Psalm, which so happened to be Psalms 51. And I really liked it, so I kept on reading it for a few days. Then, right before we left the service... preacher guy said something about a Psalm of repentance, and David exposing his heart and weakness. My first thought was "hey,
my Psalm I been reading is about repentance... nah, can't be the same one." But sure enough,
preacher guy says "Psalm 51." and I about explode. He then says a bit about it, and about a part in that chapter that some people like to forget about. And I was like "wow. God, you are listening to me." You see, I had been looking for God to speak to me specially over the weekend. Though, I hadn't expected something like that. I just kept my eyes opened. And I thought "well, we're about to leave.. I guess I don't get a special word, but that's okay." then... the Psalm 51 thing happened. It was just really awesome. I wanted to go up to the alter again.. but we were leaving,so I didn't get to.

After that we went to Fridays for lunch. And oh what a fun time. Steph,
her straw kept missing her mouth and she was all "I'm afraid I'm gonna poke my
eye out." and I said "that's why I wear glasses." and then she exclaimed
"OHHH that's why you wear them! You know, not to see or anything."
hehe. Fun times. Anyway, the 4 hour ride home. Bleh.
It was boring and I was super tired, but eventually we made it home.
And I went to bed.

Then the next morning I woke up for church,
and went to church. It was nice. Then I ran into
the store and got some soup and cajun and chicken.
So dad and I would have something to eat for lunch..
and came home and made it. And oh my gosh it was
good. After that, I took a nap. Still recooperating. ha.
When I woke up, I dressed up as tinkerbell(lame, I know)
and went to the nursing home to give the residents
pudding. It was nice. Then I got ice cream. And it was
so good.

I called Jake after a while. And it was really nice to talk
to him because I missed him a lot. And then I went to bed.
And that, was my weekend (:

So.. that's my excuse for not writing.
:D

-Ms. Conduit