I remember before when I'd say, "It seems like you don't want to talk right now." your response would be something like, "No no! Of course I do. I'm sorry I was just busy doing -insert here-" But now it's, "SEE?! Where are you getting this crap from?"
I don't understand. At all. When all you respond with is an "Ok." When I say I'm sorry for something that I don't even know I did wrong.. You're like a chick. They send off these mixed messages and you never know why they're upset. Why can't you just be blunt like you used to? You're freaking killing me. You're getting mad at me for stupid reasons. And I'm trying my hardest to show you the love that Jesus has been showing me, but I'm falling apart. I don't know what's making you so mad lately. I have an idea of what it is. And I know that if you keep letting it effect you, it'll take you over. And I don't want to see that happen. I'm praying so hard for you. For this. For everything. And I know I can't be mad at God because I see no results, because I know it's in His timing.. I just.. I'm nearly at the end of my rope, and what if I keep hoping and praying and you don't? Where do I stand then? I'm trying so hard and you can't see it and I don't know if it's that thing that's blinding you, or if I'm just wrong. But I'm certain God would show me if I'm wrong because I've been asking Him to reveal it to me. I'm struggling. I'm tired. I'm crying like a baby. And not to mention this secret that I can't tell you is killing me. If it were up to me, I'd tell you. And maybe it'd break this wall between us. But it's not mine to tell and it's absolutely destroying me. I cry about it daily. I feel alone. I feel so lost. God, help me. Save me. I've been making sure we read our Bibles together daily, and do our devotional, but is it doing anything? I know it has to be because God's Word never comes back void. I know it fulfills it's purpose. But like David said, How long Oh Lord? God please give me some type of answer. Or if nothing else, some hope and encouragement. I don't want to try to talk to some christian leader and sound like I'm bashing the people in my life by sharing this stuff with them. It's just so hard. I'm weak.
I'm worn. I don't know what to do. It's so hard to bite my tongue, and I'm afraid I'm going to bite it off soon.
I don't know how much longer I can keep these tears hidden in my room. How much longer I can keep up this charade. Fix me, Jesus, fix me.

~Vivian