Circle Of Life

Thank God I bought my drumset, is all I can say.
I hate being angry, and I hate showing my anger. So beating on some drums is definitely the best thing to do.
As of my week of teaching myself, so far I can play:
Yellow by Coldplay
Holding Onto You by Twenty One Pilots (sounds SWEET btdubbs)
Attitude by The O.C. Supertones (almost)
And I'm working on This Is For Real by Motion City.
It's been an adventure. It surely helps relieve everything I've been keeping in.
But right now, it's late. And something is bothering me.
And this time, it's my mother. For the first time in ages, I call her and ask, "Can you bring me a coffee? I don't feel good, and a treat would help." and she complains about how she's busy and just wants to get home, so I say, "Okay nevermind." Later, I'm doing my devotions, and I always silence my phone when doing so. When I check my phone I see two missed calls from her, and I call back. Her first words? "Too late. You didn't answer to tell me what you wanted, so I'm almost home." And I honestly almost blew up. But instead I said okay and hung up. Why was I angry? Because after living with me for 19 years, shouldn't she know what I like? And that since mcdonalds is the only coffee choice in this town, I ALWAYS get a caramel mocha? Without fail. Everytime. She should know that. And she does. I honestly cannot for the life of me figure out what her problem is. I know it's dumb. But it just irritated me and I don't want to yell at her when I go downstairs, so I'd rather blow up for the whole internet to see. It's just.. it's like this; I've been super intentional lately about fixing my mom and my relationship. I've not said anything negative, I've massaged her feet and watched a movie with her, I've tried to talk to her because she says I don't tell her about my life(which by the way, when I do she doesn't listen. she just tunes into her facebook game or whatever crap she's doing and says "what?" after I finish a 10 minute story), I've bought her flowers, I've done the dishes, I honestly don't know what she wants from me. And it's so frustrating.
On a brighter note, someone told me I look like Melanie from "the voice". I don't watch tv, so clearly I had to look her up, but I did, and that is SO flattering! She's intensely lovely, her voice is even kind of similar to mine. And her hair.. definitely thinking about doing that. I've got brown and blonde hair now. Half black/half blonde isn't too different. Minus the fact that it'd be cruella deville style. Anyways, I'd just like a break from all the difficult people. I know it's me I need to work on, and I'm trying. But since I've been trying, everyone else has gotten more difficult. WHAT GIVES?

~Vivian