Confessions.

I fear growing up.
I talk to myself a lot,
and answer myself,
sometimes I burst out
laughing from my own
answer.
When I'm in the car
listening to my ipod,
I'll close my eyes
during the ride and pretend
I'm the person singing.
When I get mad at myself,
I punch my knees.
When I'm picking a fork
or spoon to use,
I genuinely look for
one I want and apologize
to the others
and promise them next
time.
I think no one will ever fall in love with me.
I apologize to people even when
I've done nothing wrong.
I don't like french fries.
When I'm downloading something,
and it says "check this box if you agree
with the rules" or whatever,
I check it without even reading it.
I've pee'd in swimming pools before.
I almost always like the guys I say
I'd never like.
I call myself fat in front of overweight
people sometimes, and feel bad
about it because I'm skinnier
than them.
I still play neopets,
and I've collected the
cards and the toy
ones from mcdonalds and
burger king.
When I was young, and
my mother took too long
shopping in good will
I would switch price
tags on things.
(I know,that's awful!)
I'm lonely right now because
it's 3am and there's no one
to talk to.
I hate being called "sexy".
I sleep in everyday except
Sundays and when I have to
work.
Sometimes I can't remember
if something happened in real
life or if it was a dream.
I come from the country,
and sometimes have a southern
accent.
I cannot eat tomatoes,
if I do I throw up.
I love chinese food,
but I always get a stomach
ache after eating it.
I've been offered alcohol
quite a few times, but never
accepted it. I had a sip of beer
when I was 14 and spit it all
over the place.
I've never done drugs,and never
will.
I've never smoked.
I'm a complete virgin,in every
way.
I've had acne since I was 9.
Sometimes I feel like someones
watching me,so I'll try to act
cool.
I love and sometimes use mens
axe bodywash.
I wish there was someone
who would treat me like
they did in the old fashioned
romance movies,
but I know it's a far
fetched dream.
I'm 5'0. I feel really fat
sometimes.
I think the rapture is close.
I don't think obama is a good
president. And I'm NOT
racist.
When I was 13, I put ziploc
bags filled with peanut butter
in my bra, so I would look
like I had boobs, lets
just say that turned into a sticky
mess.
I have never been in love,
and I believe the closest I got
to it was with someone
who now lives in England
and I haven't talked to
in almost two years.
I feel stupid about it.
I'm always hungry.
My siblings would put me in
the freezer when I was 3.
And lock me in the dog cage
while forcing me to eat spicy foods.
I sometimes think it's the reason
I'm so strange.
I would never hurt someone
intentionally,and I feel bad
for laughing at people I'm
not very fond of when bad
things happen to them.
The first time I kissed someone
was outside of a church.
The first time I was french kissed
was at sears.
I can't look at sears the same now,
because I always remember
the awkwardness.
I believe good things come to
those who wait,but I really hate
waiting.
I pick my nose sometimes,
but my mother picks hers too,
so I think it's okay. Ha.
I'm a terrible cook,and
feel bad for my future husband
because of it.
I never go number 2 when I'm
at camp,or try not to at least.
I've walked in on a guy at a mission
trip in a porta potty taking a dump.
I try to find things in the patterns
of chairs and such if I get bored,
sometimes at church too.
I don't exactly have a "voice
in my head" like most people
say,I just think. And no voice
thinks for me,it's more like
reading text. I wish I did have a
voice,so it could have a British accent.
So far in 2010, I have liked only
one person.
I'm afraid to be disappointed.
I'm afraid of disappointing people,
failing them, and breaking all
my promises.
I can't think of anymore right now,
but when I do I'm making a
"confessions 2".
You probably think I'm a lunatic,
and maybe you're right.
Who knows.

-Ms. Conduit